Expert: Joe McSorley - 1/4/2004

Question
Buddhism and poverty
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I decided to devote myself to buddhism and as one of the buddhism doctrines (to get rid of connections with material things) I tried to get rid of desire for material things. I always tried not to think how good to have a good car and house etc, I left my job of software developer, because I started it for money and didnt like it  lot. I went to work as a ganitor, because buddhism says that humility is good. And at the end i became really depressed and feel miserable, instead of being enlightened. I waited hoping that this state is temporary and proceeds Nirvana, but I cannot wait any more. And it is not that I want material things, I still dont want them, but I dont want to live as a janitor all my life also. Humility, poverty and restraints supposed to be good, but I feel really miserably and so depressed that I even dont want to go the work tommorow, I am sick of working as a janitor for last 2 years. Am I doing something wrong? Isn't I supposed to be anlightened, because I didnt want to have anything material for last 2 years?

Answer
Dear Aaron,
I fear you have a misunderstanding of the heart of Buddhism.  Why would poverty bring about awakening?  I am sure you don't think those that are starving and poor throughout the world are living in bliss so why would you
apply this to yourself?  To end desire or non-attachment is not to be confused with being attached or desirous of something that seems nobler.  You can be just as attached and clinging to poverty as you can to material things.  In fact there are many so called Buddhist devotees that delight in how ‘unattached' they are.  What they fail to realize is that this is attachment too.  You have become attached to poverty and attached to awakening.  The source of the problem here is your mind no matter what you choose to follow.  Even the life of the historical Buddha depicts this; he went from opulence to poverty and found that neither was the way.  Now some would confuse this as the Middle Way, between two extremes, but it's not that.  No matter where you are it's your attachment to yourself and your ego consciousness that is the problem.  When you have this fundamental problem you begin to see results.
 Now I do understand why sects of Buddhism do teach about non-attachment in the way they do.  It's a way of getting the student to start to clean out the clinging in their lives and to strip their lives of the unnecessary things so that they might look at who they are in a deeper way.  It's harder to see this when you are attached to the things around you. Ultimately they must arrive at their own self-attachment for it is the source of all attachments.
   You can be the richest man in the world and have no attachments and you can be the poorest man and be most attached.  It is the mind that dictates it all.  You being miserable, as a janitor, does nothing other than to attach you to your plight. You are attached to being poor, a janitor, and all concepts surrounding this. This does nothing to further awakening.
  You need to find a good Buddhist teacher or to do a lot of reading on the topic so you need not unnecessarily burden yourself.  One of the common mistakes people make when thinking about monks is that they are poor and struggling.  Most of the monasteries I've seen have been clean, reasonably comfortable (as opposed to a mud hut and bug infestation), well stocked with food and free of outside strife.  If you could live like this and not beat yourself up everyday at a job wouldn't you consider this a refuge and not a task?  It's easy to get lost in the romance of religion.  Take some guy who has to work a 60-hour week, day in and day out, till the day he dies supporting his family no matter what.  This is an arduous task.  Now put him in a monastery and give him a weeklong sesshin and you will find that his striving and determination will be astounding.
  Get a job you want and start to free yourself from this misery.  Then you can go after the root of the problem.  Ask yourself this, 'who is it that wishes to be awakened?'this might open your eyes to something deeper.
        Take care,
                Joe