Expert: Justin Choo - 8/1/2005

Question
Hi Justin!
I've two questions regarding buddhist marriages and one about children for the modern day person.  Is there any particular place that you have to be married? eg: a christian/catholic would be married in a church.  Is there any particular ceremonies involved? and are they compulsory?

My second question is in regards to marrying someone from a different religion.  Are buddhist allowed to marry someone of a different religion like catholics for example? or do they have to convert?

My third and final question has to do with your child's religion.  Going from the previous question, for instance if you are married to a catholic and they wish to have their children baptised and become catholics as well, is that ok in buddhism?  Personally, i don't think it should matter as long as they are good people with good morals.  I mean, whats stopping them from being catholics and being educated in buddhist teachings right?

Thanks for the help in advance!
Michael

Answer
Hi Michael,

Thank you for asking me.

The teachings of the Buddha are about seeking understanding of life, in order to live in peace and happiness.  Even during the Buddha's time the Indian people had already a very developed and structured culture.  All of life's social events were already structured.  Religions were just a part of their cultural life.  The Buddha need not have to introduce any ceremonial rites and rituals for the already highly civilized peoples.  

Buddhism is very different from Christianity.  Buddhism solely focuses on spiritual development.  Buddhism was introduced into well-developed societies of Asia.  That is why the various Asian countries can practise the teachings of the Buddha while maintaining their cultures, without having to change their traditional practices.  This gives rise to different traditions of Buddhism.  In Buddhist communities, marriage is a secular institution.  There is nothing to do with the Buddha's teachings.  Different Buddhist communities would have different ceremonies peculiar to their respective traditions.  As such the Thais, the Sri Lankans, the Myanmar people, the Chinese, and so on, will just follow their respective traditional practices.  In Buddhist countries,  I would suppose the newly weds would visit temples for blessings by the monks.

As for your second question, please remember that the Buddha NEVER imposed commandments that one MUST or MUST NOT do this or that.  The Buddha always pointed out the right and the wrong; and it is up to the person whether to follow his advice.  If one wants to marry someone from a different faith, one has to be very careful whether both parties can tolerate and respect each other's belief.  As to changing religion for the sake of marriage, ask youeself whether this is really spiritual or a change of convenience.  Buddhists are not interested in forcing others to change their religion for the sake of marriage.  This would be very narrow-minded and foolish.  Do you really think that you can convert people?  Buddhists are concerned with sharing their knowledge of the Buddha's teachings with others.  In the event that these people agree with the teachings of the Buddha and decide on their own free will to become Buddhists, then this is real "conversion".  It is in their mind that is important.  Do you honestly think that people can be converted merely by sprinkling some "holy water" or immersing themselves in rivers?

Your last question has been partly answered.  The teachings of the Buddha go deeper than just being good people.  Honestly, you don't really need any religion to be good people with good morals.  The teachings of the Buddha are very sublime.  They are about ultimate truths of life and the world.  About how to overcome the sorrows of life and be at peace with the world.  If you understand the ultimate truths, the universal truths which transcend race, belief, time and space; you would not want to believe in any other ideas.  You would also wish that others can benefit from the Buddha's teachings.  At the same time, you would not wish that others impose their beliefs on you or your siblings.

Your last comment: "I mean, what's stopping them from being Catholics and being educated in Buddhist teachings, right?"
My comment:  Buddhism and Christianity have very opposing interpretations of life and the world.  It is impossible for one person to accept two opposing interpretations.  It is just like selecting one side of a coin.  It is not possible to have both sides of a coin.

Hope you are satisfied with my comments.  Please come back if you need further clarifications.

Smile from justinchoo :-)