Expert: Bodhicitta - 3/8/2005

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Hi,

My name is John. Maybe eight months ago now, I consciously chose to take The Path to Nirvana. I have always felt called, but, have been for most of my 26 years, distracted. Now that I am actively seeking peace, contentment, and unconditional love, I am faced with many, many difficulties.

I work in an english language school of a big company in Japan. Mostly, I like teaching the students - we have fun trying to get to grips with learning language - but sometimes, I just end up feeling empty, and I loose my patience. The daily routine seems futile. My co-workers are very negitive, and any attempts to express positivity are countered with cynicism, which is very hard for me to deal with.

I practise meditation, but, during such times, I grow impatient even here. Druing such times, it just doesn't seem to help. Recently, with all the changes I've made in my lifestyle, I feel like I am at war with myself. My past Karma is perhaps very strong. I can be very selfish, arrogant, and desirous. I experience self-doubt during these times of weakness, and my faith wavers. I start wondering if I am just repressing myself, and whether my efforts are in the end fruitless.

I have experienced some wonderful moments of genuine happiness since I left on this journey, but I've also expeerienced some really dark times. Now, I feel like I'm slipping backwards. I have no-one to talk to about these deeper, spiritual issues either. Most of the people I know would be very cynical and negitive about my lifestyle choices. They would think I am crazy, for example, choosing to abstain from sensual pleasure. So, I came here to ask a question.  

The thing is, I don't really have one particular question. I guess I need direction. Tears come to my eyes very often on this journey, and they come to me now. I don't know why, but I just start crying.

I would like it very much if you could give me advice, or if you could direct me to others who can. I think, in times like these, I need a master to help me get back on track.

Thank you so much for this. You are a very compassionate person, to give your time to people like this. Blessings to you.

Love,

John
Answer -
Hi John
thanks for your question.

it is good to take a jounrney to discover truth. buddhism
is such a path. to take any journey you need a guide and companions otherwise you might go the wrong way needlessly and the journey is long as companions make it a more palatable journey and are resourceful.


where are you from originally? how long have you been in japan or are you proposing to stay in japan? have you explored japanese buddhism? what type of buddhism are you attracted too?

Bodhicitta

Just got back from work, and received your reply. Thank you so much.

Yes, I believe companions make the road easier to travel, even though I know that ultimately we are born and die alone, and that even companions and masters will come and go. I recall the poem that talks about travelling lonely as Rhinosaurous. In one stanza it speaks of finding companions to travel with, but, of course, it suggests that these companions are hard to find.

Originally, I am from Ireland. I have been in Japan now for about 16 months. I propose to stay another eight months or so. Then I will travel around Asia - Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, India, maybe even Tibet and Nepal for a few months, if I can.

I'm not sure if I'm attracted to any particular kind of Buddhism= though my first (and possibly lasting) impression of Buddhism was from a monk called Tashi who taught me the basics of meditation and Buddhist wisdom more than 4 years ago. His was Tibetan Buddhism, though I'm not sure how Tibetan Buddhism is distinct from other kinds of Buddhism. However, I didn't practise what he taught me for the last three and a half years, and forgot much of what he told me. I am trying to get back to those days of easy contentment, but it's difficult to do so alone, without the guidance, support, or even just the contact, of other like-minded people.

Am I interested in Japanese Buddhism? Yes, perhaps I am. However, as a foreigner living in Japan, it is quite difficult to find a good Sangha for me when I speak so little Japanese. I feel a little defeated actually, when I think of such things. It was my hope coming to Japan to immerse myself in its spirituality, but, it hasn't worked out that way. I've never been able to quite penetrate the social boundaries here, and have felt pretty much the outsider, for the most part. This, quite likely, is a combination of Japanese culture and my own shortcomings (for example, not learning more Japanese).

My Buddhist centre back in Dublin, Ireland, was very nice, if I remember correctly. Maybe I should go back there when I return, if it's still open.

Since I started this journey I've pretty much been going in the right direction, generally speaking, but yes, I have many times gone the wrong way needlessly, straying from the right path, back into old ways of thinking. I;ve lost my faith many times. It can be quite deflating to find myself once more down the wrong path....

Thank you once more,
You are very kind,
Blessings to you.

Love,

John.

Answer -
hi john
thanks for your extra information.

i think you need companionship to travel the path. it isnt just nice it is essential in any of the mahayana schools of buddhism. these include japanese zen, chinese chan, and all schools of tibetan buddhism.

ananda asked the buddha is companionship half the spiritual life . the buddha replied, ananda say it not so, say it not so companionship is all the spiritual life ananda.

good luck with your spiritual search john. you travel a far
but i suspect the right path is near at hand
bodhicitta

I'm sorry bodhicitta,

But one more question:

What if I can't find the right people to be companions with?

John.

Answer
Hi John
Well the first stage is to find a tradition and a teacher.

I think you need to look into different traditions,
the teachers in those traditions and see what feels right for you. It is difficult to say how long that might take, but take a certain time - not for ever and then plunge in
and really try something. Only by trying something can you find what it is about. You could say to yourself that you will give a tradition a year and stick with it and see
what you think after a year. It will have ups and downs for you but you need to stick at it for a bit to find out
what its about.

Companions will naturally flow out of this search for a tradition and truth.

There is no such thing as a spiritual search without companions. Any spiritual search will illuminate your natural connections with all sentient beings. Why is that?
Well its the nature of reality - no man is an island.

Good luck John. Don't hesitate to send more questions

Bodhicitta