Expert: Bodhicitta - 3/30/2007

Question
Hello,

I am from Sweden, 22 years old and study at university. My main interest is consciousness and it how it works. I got a question i think a buddhist might be able to answer.

I practise meditation every day and i have done so for many years. The recent 6 months i've become aware of some kind of negativity in myself. I actually feel a bit physcially ill when i percieve it. This "negativity" is passive. But when enough time passes and my mind focus on different desires, then this passive negativity becomes active and strongly fuels whatever desire that is on my mind.

If i managed to completly get rid of this negativity, then no desire whatsoever my mind focus on would have any fuel.

Do you have any idea how i could permantely get rid of this "negativity"?  

Answer
Hi Daniel
Thank you for your question.
'consciousness' is a modern preoccupation, and it was indeed
a very ancient preoccupation - the whole of Buddhism and Hinduism was involved with looking at it.

It is good that you have found the inspiration and discipline to practice like this.
I would like to know firstly what you practise and who taught you this meditation?

If I teach people meditation then I always also continue to meet with them regularly to review any queries and
continue to allow them to develop and deepen their meditation practise.

It seems you do not have a teacher who
can do that? So my first question to you, is do you not
need a meditation teacher who can help you, who you can
meet and review your meditation?

You talk about "passive negativity" i feel I would need to understand this better to say something that is specifically
helpful to your case. I would also say I don't usually
give specific meditation advice over this forum - but I will
say something general which might be helpful. You may also
come back to me with further questions - mark them private.

There is often the false assumption that you should 'get rid of ' negativity  whatever that might be. So people work away
polishing their minds, and making them shiny. Once some negativity is 'removed' then negativity pops up again
somewhere else, in another form. This kind of meditation
will never release or remove negativity and will never
take you anywhere.It could be best seen as a preliminary
in calming the mind a little, but it will not take you
that far.  However
you shouldnt feel bad, this is most people's experience, and many ancient texts on meditation describe this experience,
but you need better instruction.

Buddhist meditation is much more skillful than this.
In meditation you need first to receive proper instructions
in the View of Buddhist meditation from a qualified teacher,

Part of this View is to give up all hope of achieving
anything and rejecting parts of your mind as negative
and accepting others as positive is all part of the
negative pattern. But I hesitate to say much more at this
point. But this is a hint.


I wish you well Daniel, speak to me some more if you wish
Bodhicitta