Expert: Justin Choo - 5/23/2006

Question
I judge people by how they walk, look, their demure, hair colour, habits and any other trait I can pick up.  I don't treat people badly, I have, as long as I can remember, been polite, nice and helpful to others.  I know it is wrong to think badly of others.  When I get to know a person my low opion of them is dispelled and I like the person.  I don't understand why I "pick" other apart in my mind.  I generally don't feel better about myself for doing it.  Yet it is bad habbit I have.  I know I can stop but is there any advice you can give me on training my mind to think other thoughts?  If Chinese astrology is of any importance I am a monkey and having low opion of others is a characterist of monkeys.  So you know, I am a Christian who believes that Buddhisism explains the how to live like Jesus would want very well.  I pray not meditate...difference?  I feel that think improperly of others is against all my teaching and learning, I try not to show it outwardly (anger brings it out) but it is not right internally.  Please advise.  Thank you.

Answer
Hi Ernie,

Thank you for asking me.  If you know that what you doing is not very nice, then 50% of your problem is solved.  This is because only those who refuse to face reality has big problem, because they will never want to change.  Since you have the intention to change, then what you need is great effort to effect the change.  It will be very gradual because you have already cultivated the habit.  As Buddhists, we train ourselves to aquire a certain degree of mindfulness in our conduct.  This means that whenever we make the same mistake, we acknowledge it and resolve to be more careful the next time and try not to repeat the mistake.  The word is "try", because we will continue to act our old selves again and again.  The trick is to persevere acknowledging the mistake, and try to reduce the incidence of repeating it.  In time (which may be a life-long process), the old habit will gradually be reduced until one day you realize that there is no more remaining.

A more down-to-earth method is to read some self-improvement books which I find contains a lot of wisdom very similar to Buddhism, altho the authors may not be aware of it.   Universal truths have no boundary.

I hope this sounds sensible enough.

Smile from justinchoo :-)