Expert: Bodhicitta - 5/31/2005

Question
Hello, I am an 18 year old male from Alaska who has been
into Eastern philosophy since the seventh grade. Buddhism
in particular has always drawn me, although I'm not quite
sure I understand it. :) Anyway lately I have been feeling a
lot of negative emotions, mostly stemming from a
relationship, and I've been trying to meditate to alleviate
these feelings. The problem is there's no one to teach me.
I've done it several times and I always feel results, but
sometimes my negative emotions seem to get stronger after
I meditate. My biggest problem is self-respect, because
sometimes I plain don't like myself. I'd like to blame this on
my strict religious upbringing or whatever, but lately I've
started to fear that I might be to blame somehow. So
anyway, I'm pretty confused about everything but would like
to meditate the proper way. Thank you for taking the time
to read this.  

Answer
Dear Ben
Thanks for your question. Thanks particularly for giving your background, context and question in a clear way it
is helpful.

It is good that you say you dont understand Buddhism. It is a very profound doctrine and the problem is for those people who think they do understand it. According to the
Buddha's teachings, the only way to understanding is through experience gained through meditation. To meditate
you need to be taught properly by a meditation teacher. So that is the first step really. So I would recommend that you do seek proper teachings in meditation. This can take
some times, if not a life time to find a good teacher. It is all part of the quest for truth - which is at the heart of Buddhism.

If you have a proper meditation technique and view of the meditation negative emotions can be your friend. In fact
what ever arises in the mind happy, sad or neutral is all part of our experience and we be open to it. Openness is the secret of meditation. Do not turn away from difficulties but experience them just as they are.It is
our constant turning away and wish to manipulate the world
to fit egos view of a perfect world which is  the problem.
So sit with your difficulties and be content. Maybe humour
wouldnt go amiss either!

self-respect is spoken about alot these days. but people probably are talking about ego. Buddhism tells us not to
play egos game. confidence is a good attribute in Buddhism.
Confidence that we are all Buddha's our hearts are awake, perfect pure, wise, and compassionate. We should dont see it. We look everyone for happiness but it is here in our heart right now.

Please be happy, open to who you are, and confident that your heart right now is perfect.

Please send any questions you wish. you can also send your
email address if you want to correspond. I do try and correspond as far as time permits with genuine seekers of truth.

Heart wishes
Bodhicitta