Expert: Justin Choo - 3/22/2005

Question
Hello, This is my 4th time back now, and I must say I find your advice and answers quite helpful.  I have noticed that since practicing meditation and immersing myself in teaching about mindfulness, I have become much more aware of the "here and now". I have also become much more aware of just how much complaining we do as human beings in our daily conversations.  I have never noticed before just how negative most of the conversations I hear are.  Complaints about jobs, home life, spouses, bills, etc.  I have also noticed how much quieter I have become since practicing buddhism. It just seems like my mind is a lot more still than those around me.  I want to give some advice to those I see around me who are complaining but somehow I don't think saying "go and sit in a quiet room and still your mind" will work on a person with an unhappy marriage.  What do you suggest I say, if anything?

Answer
Hi Greg,

Nice to hear from you again!  You have always been in my mind lately.  I'm very happy that you found my comments "quite helpful".  This gives me more courage to continue with this website.  

It is a good attitude to want to help others realize the Buddha's teachings.  For it is in the sharing that we derive the greatest pleasure; and at the same time learn more by sharing.  It is for this reason that I am here; and I derive great pleasure and happiness when my comments are of any help to those who ask.  The Buddha assured us that the greatest merit that one could gain was the sharing of the Dhamma (Buddha's teachings) with others.  However, as "religion" is always a very sensitive and emotional topic, we have to tread with care while approaching others; lest they may wrongly think that we are trying to proselytize.  As a Buddhist you would agree that this proselytization is the least in our mind.  It is only with our genuine intention to help others that we want to share the Dhamma with them.

From my own personal experience, the most effective way that works for me is through casual conversation for a period of time.  It is like selling life insurance.  You have to create a need for the other party to want to know more.  Once the other party shows an interest, then we slowly proceed from there.  Hopefully, by then he (she) would have noticed the "difference" in your personality, and would be curious to know how you have "changed".  Then you can share your life experience of the Dhamma with this person.  Always share with them your life experiences; and how you have found life to be more meaningful and peaceful. If you go to your local temple, then you can always invite them to "come and see" for themselves.  "Come and see" was the term used by the Buddha for those who were interested to learn the Dhamma.  You can also lend them Buddhist books if they are interested enough to read.

Hope this helps.  Take care, Greg.

Smile from justinchoo :-)