Expert: Justin Choo - 6/2/2006

Question
hello justinchoo,
I have recently gone through a very painful breakup. I feel as
though I keep clinging to my ex, and the memories --and it is
causing me great suffering and dukka. Is there anything you can
reccomend to help stop clinging and grasping, as I know they
are the root of suffering.

Answer
Hi Anonymous,

Thank you for asking me.

It's easy to say that I'm sorry to know of your problems.  But that doesn't solve problems.  First, we have to face reality squarely.  Everybody has problems, one time or the other.  So you are not alone.  Secondly, time is the "mother" of all healers.

The method is to "let go" of the recurring thoughts of the hurts and justifications of what had already happened.  Everytime when the same thoughts surface (and this surely will go on, no ends) you are just to say this to your mind "LET GO".  This effectively means; you cut off the current of negative and disturbing thoughts, each time they surface, not allowing them time to overwhelm your thought pattern.  In this way, you do not dwell on these thoughts any more than they appeared.  In time, without your conscious knowledge, you will be free again.  In a more conventional approach, of course, the "shrinkers" will recommend, you go for a holiday, play more games, take a walk, indulge in social activities, talk to someone, and do anything that can take your mind away from your problems; and in time to come, you will be back to normal.  Well, do all these!

In a more "Buddhistic" way,  the approach is to acknowledge that this world is wrought with problems and unfortunately we are part of this vicious cycle of human events.  Having acknowledge that, we accept what had already happened, and get on with life.  As a consolation, we can spend more time chanting the Buddha's discourses, and also calm our mind through Buddhist meditation.

Well, problems are nothing new; so solutions are also nothing new.  You have the freedom to choose.  To let go, or to be haunted by recurring thoughts of sorrow which in your case are passed and gone.

Have peace, from justinchoo.