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Buddhists/confused on religion to believe before death

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I'm dying on June 30th in a car crash. Don't ask me how I know. It's just going to happen that way. As a child I was a Buddhist as well, as my family. I didn't attend regular temple just about two my whole life. Then as I got older I started reading the Bible for Catholic and Christian. I wanted to get a copy of the Buddhist Bible, but they weren't available. I guess in part I was ashamed and I know it's bad, but I got picked on a lot for being Buddhist and I guess that was why I was ashamed and I read in an article once that part of the journey of being Buddhist is accept that. Anyway, since I switched I was told I was going to hell and not returning and receiving nirvana and I wish I could return, so I can see my family again and I can see my nephew graduate. I mean I heard that souls can go into a human and live their life or have some part of them live through them if that makes any sense. I mean my grandfather died when I was 8 or 9 and when I was 10 I believe I saw him on a Christmas tree and he talked to me and then my mom noticed I had some of the characteristics like him, so I don't know. I know I'm going to be banish to hell because I am switching yet again, but I don't know what to believe. I really would like to come back and be reborn. I shouldn't have deny my true faith because that was what I was suppose to believe, but I deny because I was scared of being made fun of by others. I already deny God as the Holy Spirit, but what I am saying is if I could come back and just to see my family and be human again after I die. Would that be possible? I mean I know that Buddha does not hate, so it would ok for me to believe in Buddha and God, but the thing is God is jealous, so I don't know. It's all to confusing. Please help me if you can.

Answer
Hi Lydia,

One thing for sure you're not going to die in a car crash on June 30th. I can even guarantee you that it won't happen if you just follow my advice...Don't get into a car on June 30th!!  SEE!? I am looking forward to hear from you on 1st July!  I must admit I shall not be able to provide you with clear cut answer.  The main reason is that I don't really know you.  (I am also giving you the benefit of the doubt that you are genuine in what you said.)  

My comment would be that you just let go of all these troubling thoughts.  It is not going to be easy because you have already created a habit to indulge in this line of thinking.  Why not try to occupy yourself with the things that you enjoy doing?  Also you should talk to those you love or trust.  Let these "religious contradictions" be.  Don't try to ever reconcile these "problems" as you will never succeed because the more you dwell in them the more confuse you will be.  These are NOT the real problems.  You created them in your mind.  Forget about Buddhism and Christianity for the time being.  Live your life as an ordinary mortal.  Take a break.  Given time all these "problems" will just disappear because you no longer allow your mind to dwell in them.  In order to do that, (I repeat) give yourself a break; talk to someone you trust; go for a holiday; engross in something you love doing.

This is the best I could comment.  
I wish you peace.
Justin Choo.  

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Justin Choo

Expertise

When in doubt seek it out. All your questions will be answered, and you may not have to agree with the answers. Such is the beauty of Buddhism. You are free to decide. I follow the Theravada tradition, and have been studying Buddhism for more than 40 years. Please view my profile for more details. I have answered more than 1500 questions since joining this category. You may like to give me the honor to answer your question.

Experience

I was brought up in the 50's as a Buddhist. For the past 40 years I have read numerous books on Buddhism and listened to numerous talks on Buddhism by well-respected and learned monks and lay teachers. I conduct Buddhist classes for parents of Sunday School children in a Theravada Buddhist Temple. My teacher was the late Chief Reverend, The Ven. K Sri Dhammananda of The Brickfields Buddhist Mahavihara, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. You can view the relevent website in memory of my revered late teacher @ http://www.ksridhammananda.com

Organizations
I am a life member of the Buddhist Missionary Society Malaysia.

Publications
YOU ARE INVITED TO VISIT MY BLOG @ http://lifeislikethat999.blogspot.com/ Published a book called "The Rainbow And The Treasure". It is a compilation of extracts from various sources to introduce Buddhism to beginners. (Currently out of print)

Education/Credentials
Bachelor of Commerce And Administration, Victoria University Of Wellington, NZ.(1974)

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