Expert: Joe McSorley - 1/17/2006

Question
I'm 16 And about 2 mounths ago I started reading about buddhism, the first I read was Good Question Good Answare by Ven. S. Dhammika.
I got really interested and belived most things and now I meditate and try to be more attendive with the moment.
I learn most things from www.buddhanet.net.

After allowing buddhism too influence my life a pretty short time, I say that I've become more happy and also contributing to the happiness of other people around me.
before I sometimes spread sadness to people around me just because I could not control my emotions good.

So I've got a very positive picture of buddhism but sometimes questions pop into my head and I doubt that buddhism really is true.
These are the questions I'd be really happy if you could try to answare as many as possible. here we go.

1) If we reincarnated and have the abilities of the person we were before this life, how come we are similar to our parents?

2) If people really incarnate how come the number of people on the earth can change?

I'm very uncertain about the reinqarnation part would be happy to get some answares.

I feel happier with buddhism in my life but there are people (my classfriends) and personal friends that mortify me and other people with words, this of course makes people and me less happy, still they show no effort of trying too remove this bad habbit, I feel like I should try too help in some way if possible so.
3)How can I make them stop? should I ask if they want too read about buddhism? they would probably just laugh.

should I try too tell them to stop? they would probably just direct theier aggressins towards me.

should I just try too stand theier evil words and actions and try too be happy anyways? this is the closest too good I can come, but after some time of people daily telling me things like please commit suiccide, (of course they don't mean what they say but still every time they say things like that I get sad. Not listening too what I have too say, I feel sad because they treat me that way.

I just want too tell you that I don't go and tell these friends that I've studied buddhism and that they should do that too and if they don't do they would not live happily.
I've had this problem from before I studied buddhism.
I don't even tell them if they do things wrong

        <Current class situation>

I try to be loving and have compassion and it works wery well, I've become alot better friends with many other people in my class (both girls and boys). but these people mentioned above just keep the same attitude towards me. I'm acting out of compassion and not pity, so please ansawer this question if
possible.

I've taken a for me big leap towards daily happiness through buddhism, but question 3 is a problem not dependent on beliving in reincarnation I can't seem too solve by reading buddhism texts.  

Answer
Hi Linus,
    First of all let me commend you for using your intelligence and not just accepting Buddhist teachings blindly.  Too many people exchange one belief system for another without any real insight.   Please continue to do this in your studies.
  As you now know, reincarnation has problems in Buddhism.  If you want to just say it is a matter of faith then Buddhism becomes just like most other religions and just becomes something you blindly follow.  Buddhism can be studied in two ways; as a religion with doctrine and rituals or as a living way to awakening.  When you study it as a static religion you encounter the problems that its mythology has but when you use it as a tool to awakening those issues go away.  In the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path nothing is mentioned about reincarnation.  The essence of Buddhism is about self awakening and not reincarnation.  I personally, like you, cannot find a way to defend reincarnation.  Buddhism is about awakening not about studying the past.  Zen in particular is devoted to awakening in the here and now and not about learning doctrine or rituals.  The awakening part of Buddhism is real and to be realized; this is what you should focus on.
   You cannot stop people from being who they are but what you can stop is the way it effects you.  You should not be concerned about teaching them but with deepening your awareness.  If they eat bad food do you want to control their diets?  Should athletes go around and tell the rest of society they should get in shape for their own good? It is their free will to do what they want so let them be.  The real issue here is how you let what they think effect you.  Their words are really meaningless.  It is only when you take them inside of yourself that they can hurt.  If you were listening to birds chirps or cows moo you would not care what the sounds were; you would give them no value.  Give no value to them just let them pass like a breeze through the trees.  They will grow at their own or wilt on their own, so just let them be. Perhaps if you gain a deep measure of happiness and peace they will see this in you and it will effect them.  This is the only way you can have an impact.  
   I know this is very difficult for you.  Don't' worry about things you can't change, just take care of yourself.  Being a teenager is difficult no matter what you believe.  This will eventually pass so please try to not take it personally.  Calling someone names is like calling a dog or a cat names; it has no reality unless you make it your own reality.  So let the birds chirp and the pigs grunt and enjoy your life without worrying about yours.
   I hope this has helped you.  Take care,
                   Joe