Expert: Bodhicitta - 1/13/2005

Question
Hello Bodhicitta,

I recently started studying Buddhism and am very interested in it. It has teached me a lot so far. I am currently learning about metta and have a question. So I think I understand that the goal is to direct metta towards everybody and want happiness for everyone. If that is correct, I do not understand how I decide who is special in my life and how I should make myself feel special. I do want happiness for everyone, but I also want to show my close family and friends how much they mean to me because they have impacted my life more than people I don't know. I hope this makes sense. If you have any information that can help me I would really appreciate it. Thank you so so much,

Karen  

Answer
hi karen
thanks for your message.

buddhism is a path of training, it is a system of transformation towards awakening our true heart mind. the goal is complete enlightenment for all beings and ourselves. it is however  path of training. it is a long path of transformation. we make little steps we shouldnt confuse buddhist training with some sort of instant fix or psychotherapy.it is an inspiration for our spiritual life.

four qualities of the enlightenment mind are said to be perfect equanimity, perfect love, perfect joy, and perfect compassion. These are the four  perfect abodes. sometimes called the apramanas, the brahmaviharas. They can be worked with as the four boundless states too. Sometimes the mettabhavana meditation takes love and equanimity as the training. meditating on love for all beings those who we feel are friends or loved ones, those who are enemies those who we are indifferent from.

this is a system of training to connect into true Metta or love rather than the contrived selffish love we normally work with. the love that says i love you but dont let me down. i love you as long as you do what i want! this is love with desire, attachment.

masters of buddhism say that true love is beyond dualism and beyond conditions . it would be deep in our hearts untainted, beyond thought itself , beyond concepts.

mettabhavana it should be said is a path of training to link into this . the true experience might be a long way off. but the meditation could be inspiring and wholesome. we shouldnt think of results or expect  anything particularly.


you ask about those who are close to you. your loved ones, friends, family , special people. these the people who form your world. how can it be possible to recognise this in buddhist practise and to understand it? this is an interesting question.

in Mahayana Buddhism, the vehicle of great compassion the special connections we have with other people are a very important part of the practise. these special connections might be family, people we feel particular love for, people we work with, people who live close to us, people in the same world as us. This whole idea of connection
in buddhism is so important that it would be possible to say a great deal about it. it is perhaps the most important aspect of the buddhist path.i will say one or two things about it but i suggest if it interests you that you approach  buddhist teacher and ask more about it.

Sometimes these connections are all very mysterious. we meet someone seemingly by chance and we feel for some reason that we know this person already and want to spend time with them. when we meet people there is sometimes a natural connection sometimes there isnt. maybe in buddhist countries people would say there is a past life connection.

when the buddha was alive he was connected to his wife, mother , father, family with the people in india , the people in this world.all these people connected to the buddha were fortunate to be connected to him. through these connections they too had a tremendous opprtunity to realise the natures of their minds.

as we progress on the path our connections increase and our opportunity to reach out to others who are suffering improves. however our family, our clan, our brothers and sisters who are also practising buddhism are very important.

Hope this is useful for you
Bodhicitta