Expert: Justin Choo - 12/3/2004

Question
does buddhism advocate the forgiving of people who have wronged. If it does would you say that to  be able to forgive, you have to be able to understand and accept why the person behaved in the manner they did?  

Answer
Hi Keith Jones,

Thank you for asking me.

Our general understanding of forgiveness is that we think the other party has done us some wrong in the first place, and we now want to forgive him for whatever reason.  There are 2 aspects to this issue.  The first is that it might be that we are the persons at fault and not the other party.  This is of course a very difficult reality to admit, eventhough we might know inside our hearts that we are not that righteous after all.  If we can really analyze the actual situation and honestly admit that we may also partly be blamed, then the question of forgiving is not relevent after all.  It will then be a question of apologizing.

Having said that; if the other party is really at fault, then why do we want to forgive?  In the Buddhist context we forgive, not so much for the sake of the other party; but for the well-being of ourselves.  The mind is the master of one's life.  If the mind is allowed to harbour hatred, for whatever reasons, this person is feeding himself with negative and harmful thoughts.  This is mental poison.  When a person harbours hateful thoughts,  he will never be happy throughout his life.  This can be experienced  by ourselves.  Whenever I have hateful thoughts, thoughts of revenge, getting even, and never wanting to forgive the other party,  my whole system freezes, my character becomes negative and cold.  I become aggrassive, resentful, repulsive, defensive, in my thoughts, speech, and actions.  Realizing that taking this unforgiving stance is not to my benefit,  I now willingly want to extricate myself from this misery of self- inflicted mental torture.  Now, I want to forgive this person, so that I can live a normal and happy life again.

Another aspect of practising forgiveness, is the understanding of the universal law of kamma; or the natural law of cause and effect.  Another term is the definite law of retribution.  Once we understand this law of kamma, we can readily forgive anyone.

There are 2 reasons based on this law of kamma which enable us to easily forgive anyone.  First, no one can escape the effects of one's actions.  Sooner or later, the results will actualize themselves in accordance with the actions of the person.  There is NO escape.  Realizing this, a good and knowlegeable Buddhist will not waste his time torturing himself with hatred just because someone has hurt him.  He will just let nature, so to say, take its course.

The second reason is the realization that what had happened to us might be due to our previous bad actions that we had committed against the other party.  And NOW is pay-back time! In the final analysis, it is only fair.

I hope by now I have already answered your second question.  We don't have to be a great psychologist to analyze the other party's behaviour in order to forgive.  Once we understand the danger and sorrow of not to forgive; and the law of kamma; we will forgive with an open heart.

Smile form justinchoo :-)