Expert: Justin Choo - 2/22/2006

Question
let me thank you beforehand you read my question.

Four years ago, I fell in love with a boy who is just one year older to me and I met him at my office where I got my first job.

Even though I had a few closer male FRIENDS, he was my first love. He was a muslim. But I never worried about it as I always believed all "human" are of same spiecies. But it is a fatal mistake one may ever do..to marry a person of another religion in my country. We had our affair so deeper and I almost treated him as my "own son"...thats how I can best explain it!

we both resigned after few months and after another few months he wentback to his hometown and engaged in his own business. After his mother came to know our affair she had made him promise not to continue our affair and gradually he stopped all contacts with me. besides mother's request I must tell you that he always used to suspect me. unfortunately inspite of my innocence I got accused by many a people worsening the situation.

What so ever....it had been nearly 3 years since we were together last. But day by day...my love for him kept growing....the more he went apart..the more stronger I loved him. I really do not bother if he still loves me or not...all i want is his happiness...


I am the only girl in my family and my parents keep lots of hopes on me...im 24 years old now and they highly worring over a marriage for me...

But....in my mind I've already accepted my lover as my husband, son and everything! So...im helpless.....I simply cant marry anyone else..yet my lover will not marry me either. I do not do all these purposefully....simply it is impossible for me to think of another man!
My question is....Am I commiting a sin by dissapointing my parents and is there no value for the bonds like mine?

Please anwer me....I will be grateful to you if ytou reply me.  

Answer
Hi Ashy,

Thank you for asking me.

It would be easier for me to comment if you reveal your locality and race/nationality.  You see, your relationship would have different consequences depending on which race and region you are in.

This is a Buddhist site, not a counselling one; but I do appreciate your trust and confidence in this site.  I shall try my best as a Buddhist, to share my thoughts with you.  First let me share my personal experience with you.  I have a daughter the same age as you.  As parents, both my wife and I have high hopes for her.  But things did not work out to be so sweet and pleasent.  We have our problems and we worry sick day and night, and "pray" for the good "angels" (devas) to protect her and her baby, and hope that she will be a responsible mother.  Same with your parents.  I am sure your parents will want what is good for you, and it is up to you to make good things happen.  You have to be strong and wise to decide what is right and what is wrong, and to pursue the right course of action and leave the wrong ones behind, no matter how difficult it may be.  You have the wisdom to find this site and the humility to seek answers.  Now is the time for you to use your "head" and not your "heart" to make the right choice.  Do not play with fire!

If you are not satisfied with my answer please come back.

Time will heal the wounds.  Take the right step and have courage.  Think of your parents too.