Expert: Melisa Singh - 5/27/2009

Question
QUESTION: My husband works for a small government agency; he has been there 23 years. He has been offered, and accepted, a higher position within the same basic organization. The Executive director (IE Head Honcho) has expressed interest in hiring me for another position within the agency/office he is leaving. She has invited us to lunch 29 May, today is 27 May, to A) Thank him for his work, B) Interview me at the same time. While I am a bit...surprised at this turn of events, I am happy for the opportunity. My question is: in this scenario, is it appropriate for my husband to request/offer to take care of the tip? In traditional social settings I have been taught this is appropriate, perhaps wrongly, but in this one I'm simply not sure. The Executive Director is a mature woman, approximately in her sixties, and seems to be pretty sharp. On the other hand, I live in Kentucky in a small town. I know this woman was in the six-figure-range with her former job before an illness changed her work circumstances, so I think it is likely she will know the difference between who knows what to do and who doesn't! Will it matter? In terms of the job, probably not,however; it would be nice to be sure.
Thank You For Your Time!
ASH GREYMANE

ANSWER: Hello Ash.

Congratulations on your husband's promotion and your opportunity to fill his position.  Although in the past it has been taught that offering a tip is acceptable it is now frowned upon for two reasons 1) the person paying the bill may not want you to see the bill, which you would have to do to calculate the tip and 2) they, as the hosts, want to be (and should be) responsible for the entire expense of the dinner. This is especially true in business situations.  That said, I primarily work with and advise people in New York City who have a metropolitan sense.  If in small-town Kentucky you see a trend towards this type of tipping you want to do what is expected there.  You may want to ask around a bit just to make sure not offering won't be frowned upon.

I think you should graciously accept the dinner and tip and make sure to mail out a hand-written thank you card the next morning to offer your appreciation for the dinner/meeting.

It sounds like you are a shoe-in for the position.  Have a great time, enjoy yourself and make sure not to have more than two cocktails (surprisingly enough some people don't follow this)! No matter what it's a win-win situation.

Best,
Melisa




---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I have not been offered my husband's position, however; I have been virtually guaranteed a position within the agency. Actually, it's a politically savvy move on her part, but I digress. Given the situation, is it overkill for me to send her a thank-you/acknowlegement note after the interview? Instinct tells me yes it is. I really don't want to screw this up; it's a minor position, yes; but one important to me nonetheless. I would rather surprise her with more than be accepted with less.
ASH GREYMANE

Answer
Dear Ash,

If by "interview" you mean the interview dinner in which you are discussing the position then definitely send a thank you note the next day.  If you are referring to a proper interview that might be conducted after your dinner then t perhaps a brief, well-written email would be better to reduce redundancy.  Even if you are a shoe-in for the agency it's important to start of on the right foot and show that you are a courteous, appreciative person who will be a pleasure to work with.  I would suggest this to someone seeking a receptionist position or an attorney interviewing for partner.  Feel free to clarify if I am reading your question incorrectly.

Best,
Melisa