AboutCynthia Lett Expertise One of the few Certified Etiquette Professionals (CEP) and Certified Protocol Professionals(CPP) earned by examination through the International Society of Protocol & Etiquette Professionals (www.ispep.org).
I will be happy to answer your questions about business or social etiquette, international customs or protocol issues.
Experience Ms. Lett has been the principal of The Lett Group since 1983 when she was trained as a professional in Business & Social Etiquette, Business & Social Entertaining, International Protocol and Executive Communications Skills. She has been a program speaker and coach around the world - teaching and advising on these subjects. Currently she consults with companies including Saudi Aramco, Automotive Aftermarket Industry Association, Northrop Grumman, Lockheed Martin, United States Postal Service, the US Dept. of Defense, US Department of the Treasury, NASA, Smithsonian Institution, Exxon-Mobil, Hilton Hotels, Ritz Carlton Hotels, and government offices of protocol for the United States, South Africa, Columbia, Mexico, Republic of Korea, Denmark, Finland, Canada, The Russian Federation, Chevron Overseas Petroleum and J. P. Morgan on these subjects. Additionally for the past eight years she has been an adjunct professor at The Elliott School of International Affairs, The George Washington University, teaching the course in Business Protocol. She also offers private and corporate consultation and programs on the power skills necessary to compete in the international business arena. Clients include major universities, Fortune 500 companies, international associations and savvy professionals from all levels of the corporate ladder. She is the editor of APROPOS! - a monthly newsletter on these subjects and is host of It’s APROPOS! an internet talk show on similar subjects. Her new book, Lett’s Talk – Etiquette Dilemmas and How to Handle Them is due out September, 2007. There are nine universities which currently use her curriculum and text for their course on Business Etiquette. Her other new book, Mission Possible with Brian Tracy and Stephen R. Covey has just been released.
Ms. Lett holds a Master of Legal Studies degree from Antioch School of Law, Washington, D.C. and undergraduate degrees in Restaurant, Hotel, & Institutional Management and Public Relations from Purdue University, West Lafayette, Indiana. She also earned a certificate in Adult Learning Techniques from The George Washington University. Professionally, Ms. Lett is the founder of and serves as Executive Director of the International Society of Protocol & Etiquette Professionals headquartered in Washington, DC. She is an active member of the National Speakers Association, American Society for Training and Development; Women Business Owners; Professional Convention Management Association; and past member of the American Society of Association Executives; Foundation for International Meetings (Board of Governors 1986-1987). She was elected into Who's Who of American Women; Who's Who of Advertising Executives; 2000 Notable American Women; Who's Who of the World's Women; Who's Who of U.S. Executives and Who's Who of the World.
She has been featured and quoted in publications such as Successful Meetings, Meetings and Conventions, Meeting News, Business Travel News, Washington Business Journal, Washington Post, New York Times, Regardies Magazine, Wall Street Journal, The Robb Report, Entrepreneur Magazine, The Harvard Business Review, Ohio Business Review, Training and Development Journal, CIO Magazine and others. During 1990, Ms. Lett planned a series of Business Exchange meetings in the Soviet Union for entrepreneurs from the United States who wished to learn about joint ventures with the Soviets in many different fields. Some of Creative Planning International's clients have included Wall Street Journal, A. T. & T., MCI Telecommunications Corporation, Eli Lilly and Company, Department of State, McKinsey and Company, Duracell International, Security Pacific among others.
She is featured in the PBS special – Pioneer Living – as the protocol expert. Ms. Lett is also the etiquette expert for the Fine Living Channel and currently featured in Survival Guide – Office Etiquette. She is also a frequent expert on etiquette issues for Fox Cable News.
Expert: Cynthia Lett Date: 6/6/2007 Subject: Lunch Hour at Work
Question QUESTION:
Hi
About six months ago I started working at a firm at which me and another lady are the only two women. Things are going well job wise and my boss and coworkers say wonderful things about how I work.
A few months ago I noticed that at noon the men would get together to go and have lunch but would not invite me and the other woman. One day the other lady saw them gathering to leave together to have lunch and she asked them if she could go with them. One of the fellows said "No" (in a joking way) and then told her she could. When this happened I was left all alone in the office at lunch. I felt kind of uncomfortable because I don't like being a tag along, but at the same time I think it is good to mingle in the workplace and not always keep to oneself. When the lady asked to join them and I was left by myself I found it odd that nobody said anything (i.e. "Are you coming along too?").
After the incident I assumed that maybe nobody showed any regard for the fact that I was left alone because they must have assumed I am not interested in going or something. I also thought that the woman may have asked to join them because she wants to make friends and perhaps she doesn't see me as a social person.
I started being more friendly at work thinking that perhaps I would be asked to join the gang in the future. I also invited the other lady for lunch one day. When me and the other lady went for lunch we had a great time and chatted about doing it again. However, I was very taken aback when the lady started organizing lunch get togethers with the men and not including me! When this happened I tried to be friendly with her to show my interest in socializing and she would be friendly back but she seemed only interested in having lunch with me when it is just me and her. I started noticing a pattern that she only seems to want to do stuff with me alone. It is like she separates her friendship with the men and her friendship with me. When she goes out with the men she'll ask all of the men (almost our entire office), but not me. Sometimes when she returns from lunches that she organized with them she'll act super nice to me by showering me with compliments or asking me how my lunch went. She is very friendly during the day at work and I thought she was the nicest person, however, I find her noon hour behaviour completely out of character.
In your opinion, why would this woman behave this way?
ANSWER: Dear Jill:
It sounds like the other woman in your office is flirting her way to the top. That isn't always bad but it certainly is not the only way to succeed. It isn't that she doesn't like you, but you are not one of the guys.
It sounds like lunchtime socializing is important to you so you need to be more proactive. Don't wait until someone asks you to join them. Ask one of the guys to lunch. Then maybe others. Keep it friendly and professional and it should be fun. Keep in mind that women in the workplace, especially offices with mostly men, try to work harder to stand out. It can be intimidating to them and while having you as a lunch buddy is fine and fun, it doesn't validate them the way being part of the "boys" club does.
I hope this helps,
Cynthia Lett
www.lettgroup.com
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Hi
Thanks for your response. You are 100% right. She does come across as a flirt. Women have certain characteristics (i.e. good communication skills, warmth, emotional intelligence, nurturing abilities, etc.) that can definitely be used as an asset in a male-dominated field. However, it is one thing to flirt and it is another thing to act without diplomacy or sensitivity.
Even if I am not one of the boys she has to realize that her behaviour is confusing and can result in tension and offense.
Thanks for your advice, but I am weary of environments (especially a work one) in which lunch invitations are done privately. In order to create a team-focused environment I think it is good for people to be welcoming and open about socializing. I recently mentioned this to the lady and one of the men that she had an "exclusive" lunch with a few days ago. Our office has very high turnover and only one of the men that she normally flirts with has remained at the company. I asked them why only certain people are invited to the lunch outings. The man quickly seemed to accept my views, but the woman seemed lightly irritated and defensive. After I spoke up about it, I noticed that the woman keeps asking him to go for lunch and he has been declining. Of course, she STILL isn't asking me! I thought that they would continue to go for lunch, but start including others. However, it appears that he has chosen to end the noon hour socializing much to her disappointment! I guess the guy started getting nervous about something....
Answer Dear Jill:
My advice is to just be friendly and not take offense at others' behaviors - especially about socializing at work. You have a small office but team-building isn't just a social process - work on building the team through your work, not your lunch hour. I also suggest that if possible, plan to have lunch with others outside of your office group. The one thing you don't want to show is any vulnerability or desperation because of your feelings about this situation. Just keep up the good work.
