Expert: Warren D. Miller - 3/24/2010

Question
QUESTION: dear sir,

i want to write an application letter for admission in another school for std IX. so its a request to u to please draft me a letter on above mentioned id. i will be thankful to u.

ANSWER: Tasneem, I'll be glad to HELP you. I will NOT do this FOR you. I cannot - I don't have the time. If addition, if I did all the work, YOU wouldn't learn anything except how to mooch off other people. I'm about teaching. If you're about learning, then we can work together. But if you're not, we can't, and we won't. I hope that you ARE about learning.

In addition, you will see that I have changed your request from "Private" to "Public." That is because I do NOT help people who mark their requests "Private." That would be very stupid of me because I could end up doing the same thing for many people. I am an unpaid volunteer who is also an expert in economics, but I wouldn't be very smart about economics if I set myself up to do that. Please click here: www.allexperts.com/ep/2301-84697/Economics/Warren-D-Miller.htm.

Here's the deal I propose: I will be glad to help you, but you must take the first step and write the first version of the letter. If you will do that--AND not mark it "Private"--then I will coach you and teach you. You will learn some skills that you obviously don't have, and I will get the satisfaction of teaching someone on the other side of the world some things that you don't know.

Do we have a deal?

Warren

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: dear sir,

thanks for your kind reply and first of all i want to say sorry but i must have marked on private by mistake, i don't have any problems if anyone reads it, as it is very helpful for each and everyone.

ANSWER: Thank you, Tasneem. We all make mistakes, myself included. In fact, I continue to be amazed by the number of new ways to screw up that I can find on a daily basis. :-)

Back to business.

As I said above, Tasneem, if you will draft the letter and send it to me, I will suggest edits, enhancements, and corrections to it. Whether you accept my recommendations is up to you, of course, because, at the end of the day, it must be your letter, not mine. Please write the draft, and I will respond promptly.

Also, I still don't know what "std IX" means. Please explain that, if you don't mind, because I think it will help me understand why and what you write much better.

Take care, Tasneem. I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards--

Warren

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: thanks for your prompt reply.
ok i will be thankful to you if you help me in writing application letter for admission in another school.
i am sending you a draft hope you will help me

respected principal,
I m a mother of murtuza a. morbiwala who is seeking an open and lively learning environment for my son in order for him to achieve a balanced development in academic, moral, physical and artistic qualities, as well as to nurture the values of love, goodness and truth. After researching secondary schools in this region, I am greatly impressed by your school's educational philosophy, dedicated teaching staff, overall facilities and excellent track record. Therefore, I would like to apply on behalf of my son, XXX, for admission in std ix in your school.

Since  beginning murtuza has been studying at bharda new high school. It has well equipped him with strong academic background, and developed his moral values and artistic qualities. he attained good grades in exams.

he has participated in various extra-curricular activities including arts classes, sports.

Furthermore, School Cleaning Campaign and member of social service. These activities have helped him build up his confidence, responsibility and interpersonal skills.

We sincerely hope that murtuza can be admitted to your school, where he will receive appropriate guidance and continue to develop and express his unique individuality.

Enclosed are the birth certificate & report card of std. viii and the required documents.

I look forward to your favourable reply.

Yours faithfully

Tasneem morbiwala

Answer
You did a GREAT job, Tasneem. Really. From the tone of your initial posting, I wasn't expecting anything nearly that good. So, in hopes of making an excellent draft even better, I am delighted to do "a little smoothing" in a few places and fill in a missing word or two. My version is between the lines marked ====================

==============================================================================================
         Tasneem Morbiwala
         (street name/address)
         City/State or Province
         (Insert the date here)

(Name of Principal)
(Name of school)
(Street address of school)
(City/State or Province)

Dear respected Principal:

I am the mother of Murtuza A. Morbiwala. I seek an open and lively learning environment for my son in order for him to achieve a balanced development in academic, moral, physical, and artistic qualities. I also want such development to nurture the values of love, goodness, and truth. After researching secondary schools in this region, I believe that your school's educational philosophy, dedicated teaching staff, impressive facilities, and excellent track record are exactly what I seek for my son. I believe that being a successful student at your school would give him the best possible chance for living a happy, productive, and successful life of honor and service. Therefore, I would like to apply on behalf of my son, Murtuza, for admission in Std. IX at your school.

As background information, he has been studying at Bharda New High School. It has equipped him with a strong academic background. It has also helped develop his moral values and artistic qualities. Besides making excellent grades, he has participated in various extracurricular activities including art and sports.

Furthermore, he has served in the School Cleaning Campaign and is a member of the Social Service Committee. These activities have enhanced his self-confidence, sense of personal responsibility, and interpersonal skills.

Murtuza and I sincerely hope that Murtuza can be admitted to (name of school). I am confident that there he will receive appropriate guidance and continue to develop the character, knowledge, and values that he needs in order to be a productive, honorable, and contributing member of our society.

Enclosed are his birth certificate, report card of std. viii, and the required documents.

I look forward to your favourable reply.

Yours faithfully,

Tasneem Morbiwala
==============================================================================================

Please make sure that my phrases "Barda New High School" and "Social Service Committee" are named and punctuated correctly. I'm not sure I got them right.

I hope this is helpful, Tasneem. Please do me a favor by completing the rate-the-expert e-mail you'll receive about the same time you get this reply from me. Your ratings and, especially, your comments help me do a better job of helping folks like you who ask such interesting questions!

Take care--

Warren