Expert: Dan Smith - 11/19/2004

Question
I've been asked to translate a business brochure and I need to pick your brains about improving the translation version (my version) below.  While we cannot change, alter or delete the content, we can improve the sentences, phrases, wording, etc.  I'm not doing this for commercial reasons but rather as a way to improve my English. Any comments you can provide will be most appreciated:

LC's outstanding teamwork, personalized service and corporate culture have won recognition and trust of industry partners from far and near.  At the CISMA exhibition where space was at a premium, LC set aside a "cultural corner" to showcase national garments from around the world.  Said Mr. Chen, Marketing Director of LC, Asia Pacific region, "Clothing, food, shelter and transportation are all most important, indeed, indispensible in peoples' daily lives, but clothing clearly comes first. Nothing says more about a nation or culture than its clothing. LC is not only a supplier of technology and equipment, but also a solid partner in garment enterprises. All of us appreciate, as we should, the profoundness of the garment industry, the end-user of the sewing machinery."

The rising sail symbolizes LC's vitality, motivation and capacity.  The light shadow on the sail represents LC's expressed belief,  "Walking hand in hand to the future, opportunies are within our reach."  LC employees are, as it were, the  sailmast, working in harmony with some 17000 clients from 100-plus countries through thick and thin towards calm seas of prosperity and success.


Answer
You say you are not doing this for commercial reasons, but this is clearly a promotional piece.

The first thing I would do to improve this is to expand the acronyms to the full phrases. What are "LC" and "CISMA"? Other than that, this is done pretty well.