Expert: Leslie - 11/24/2004

Question
Good morning Leslie.  I am a computer programmer who is having a disagreement with the wording that our legal department wants on our outbound faxes.  This is the sentence that I have programmed:

This facsimile and any accompanying documents are intended for the use of MobilexUSA or the use of the named addressee(s) to which it is directed, and may contain information that is privileged or otherwise confidential.

Is this good use of the English language, or could it be made "more better"?  For me to change it requires 4 hours more work.

We thank you for your comments.
Barrie

Answer
Barrie,

I have suggested some changes below to your statement; however, legal should have the last word. Legal language is not necessarily even grammatically correct, but it is legally binding. Their wording and terminology are required to assure the information you share is protected.

This facsimile and any accompanying documents [move "may..." here]] [The information is] [del --are] intended for the [exclusive] use of MobilexUSA or [del --the] use [del --of] [by] the named addressee(s) to which it is directed [del -, and]  [move to after "documents" may contain information that is privileged or otherwise confidential.]

Sorry about the extra work. Knowing, however, that changing this statement could save your company million of dollars in lawsuits, you work is worth the effort.

Leslie