Expert: liznarr - 4/5/2008

Question
I'm a 26 yrs old female with 2 kids currently in a relationship with a very nice guy. We have been talking about buying a house TOGETHER but when the time came he wants to get a loan on his name and have the house on his name only but wants me to move in and help with the mortgage payment cuz he cant pull it alone. I flat out told him I'm not moving in with him until he adds my name to the title as well. What should I do? I dont wanna end up with nothing AND on the streets with my kids in case things dont work out between two of us! Thank you for taking your time to read this:)

Answer
Hi Julia,

You are a very wise and astute young lady.

So, your discussions of buying a house together ended up with this “very nice guy” just wanting you to move in with him in order to help him be able to make HIS mortgage payment.  This line is as old as the beginning of time, and I admire you for being so gutsy.

Yours is not really a real estate question, but I think you absolutely, positively did the right thing by telling your boyfriend what you did.  To me, his response is an early indicator that he might not want to make this relationship permanent.  He wants to have his cake all to himself and eat it, too.  I would consider rethinking this relationship if I were you, especially with two small children involved.

I’m doing a new take now on the old saying (“With friends like that, who needs enemies?”) and asking … “With nice guys like him, who needs mean guys?”

In your heart, you want to believe he is all good.  It sounds like your intellect, however, has taken over and you have already figured out that he is not really as nice as he seems.  You and your two children deserve BETTER than this.

If he wants you to move in with him and share expenses, where’s the engagement ring?  If it were just you alone, your situation could be viewed differently.  This would not be an ideal situation for your two children, and especially so if the relationship did not work out.

With an adult single daughter of my own, I am giving you the same advice I would give her.  

As you stated, you don’t want to end up with nothing and be “in the street” with your two children if things don’t work out.  However, you sound far too smart to ever end up “in the street,” but continue to stand your ground.  I’m proud of you!

Good luck to you, and feel free to write again if you have additional questions.

Regards,
Elizabeth