Expert: Jessica Bryan - 1/11/2011

Question
My in-laws are getting older and have decided to move closer to the grandkids. My husband and I have been searching for a home for a few months. We have found a property with two homes on 50 acres. Both of the homes need some fixing up, mostly painting and some flooring. My father-in-law doesn't want a fixer upper, even thou we have promised to do all the work. He has his mind set on building a home on our current land. My husband and I are set on moving, the land we have currently is very high maintance, and we have two small children, plus we will have to care for my in-laws. We are currently at a complete impasse. We have taken them house hunting several times and my father-in-larefunds something wrong with every house he sees. My husband and I are in love with the homes on the 50 acres we have found. Do you have any advice. Thanks!

Answer
Hi;
You have a problem that goes beyond a real estate question but as a real estate broker, I see this often. It is something that is quite common among Buyers.  Often, when the people involved don't agree there is never any home that works.  It is quite frustrating for the Realtor as well.

I suggest that you discuss what it is that your father-in-law would like to build and how much he is willing to spend to do this.  Then speak with some builders to find out if this is reasonable.  Depending upon the quality of construction and details, the price to build can range from about $130 per square foot to $195.  Costs are always higher than anticipated or quoted.  If it is discovered that the cost to build is not a realistic solution your Father-in-law may become more amenable to finding a home.  Right now he has a dream of building and it is difficult for him to let it go unless he faces some cold hard facts.  

If, however, his idea is affordable then you may have to abandon the idea of the two homes on 50 acres, and convince your father-in-law that your land is not acceptable and you need to find another piece of land.  Begin with small concessions and agreements.  It is easier to do this than to get total 'buy-in' all at the same time.

As a real estate mediator, I have found that when two parties are at an impasse, there are several ways of talking out the problem.  It is a matter of negotiating with both sides giving and taking.  Agree to a 'sit down' where you can all write down and share the things you want for your homes.  Among them, share the one thing you absolutely MUST have and then talk through what you can give and take while getting that one thing.  You might find that if you each have a voice and truly feel heard, you might get somewhere with negotiating a solution.  Another thing you can do is hire a real estate agent with lots of experience.  Perhaps someone who has had mediation training.  Then explain the problem to him or her and see if they can assist with a solution.  Above all, remember if everyone does not agree this solution to have two homes in close proximity will be a very bad idea.  Everyone will be resentful of each other and this could tear families apart.  Being respectful of each other and talking all of these things out is the only way.

Best wishes and good luck.
~Jessica Bryan