Expert: Lee Charles Kelley - 10/9/2008

Question
QUESTION: Hi,
I have a puppy who is 1 year 8 months old. She is half border collie/half black
lab. We rescued her when she was 8 weeks old. We got her through a dog
rescue that rescues whole litters of puppies. They socialize them together and
they are exposed to many things. Great place.

Anyway, when we adopted Josie, everything was fine. I took her to puppy
classes and even started some agility training. She was doing fine. I decided
to take a few months break from the agility as I wanted to work with her
basic commands. She is really smart but sometimes too much for her own
good. I know part of it is me getting to be a better owner too. It goes both
ways. I understand that.

Everything still is fine, but recently she has been scared of things. Thunder
was the first thing we noticed, but what was strange, was for the first year
and approximately 3 months, she wasn't bothered by thunder. Also, we
noticed if we drop something by accident or make a loud noise, she gets
scared and runs into the bathroom.

Another thing I noticed was that she will not eat if I am in the room with her.
She will eat only once I leave the room. If I walk into the room and she is
eating, she will stop and leave.

Can you tell me how to deal with her being scared of loud noises (which I
know is common) but also how to deal with her not wanting to eat with me in
the room. I don't understand that.

Also, sometimes she seems submissive to me. Have I taught her that I am the
alpha dog? I don't even know how to do that.

All I have ever done was love her and play with her and cuddle her. My
husband gets to bring her to work where she can run around with another
dog on 5 acres all day. Then she comes home and my husband says she waits
for me to come home. If I am not home, she wants to go to the front yard and
wait for me. If I am home, she knows it and comes running into the house.
How does she know if I am home or not? My husband says she always knows
if I am in the house or not. Weird.

Just need an opinion about those few things. If I have done something wrong,
I want to know how to correct it. I love her so much. I want her to be happy
all the time.

Thank you,
Marybeth

ANSWER: Hi, Marybeth,

Thanks for the question. I appreciate how much you love this dog.

Sometimes as humans, our natural way of doing things isn't always what's best for our dogs. We equate love with physical affection. Don't get me wrong, dogs like affection a lot, but it can also become an emotional crutch that gets in the way of their happiness and well-being. It sounds to me like that might be part of the problem here. She's a little too dependent on you.

You say that all you have ever done is "love her and play with her and cuddle her." This brings up a few questions for me. I hope you don't mind answering them; it'll help me assess this situation more clearly.

Where does she sleep at night? Does she have her own "den" (meaning a crate)? What kinds of games do you play with her? How many times a day do you play with her, for how long, and where do you do it--inside the house or outdoors? Do you ever get down on her level and let her jump all over you? Do you ever go with your husband to this 5-acre area where she plays with other dogs and watch how she plays with them? Could you do that occasionally, just for 1/2 hr. or 20 mins. or so? (If you watch how she plays with other dogs it may inspire you in some way to find ways to help her find that kind of joy when the two of you are together...)

While I wait for your answers, I'll give you a few things to read (if that's okay):

http://www.tiny.cc/SwimUpstream          

http://www.tiny.cc/MythofTug

http://tinyurl.com/3balu6

http://www.tiny.cc/tug

http://www.tiny.cc/playbenefits

LCK
http://www.LeeCharlesKelley.com
“Changing the World, One Dog at a Time”

PS: There's no such thing as an "alpha dog," so don't worry about that. Her "submissive" behavior is probably just part of her general fear issues. However, if you're in the habit of scolding her or telling her "No!" for any of her "misbehaviors," it would be a very good idea to stop doing that.


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks Lee,

I was afraid you would say that. That she is too dependent on me. I would
love to fix anything I have done wrong, so I will try to answer all your
questions.

We originally crate-trained her until she was about 6 months. Now she sleeps
on the bed with me and my husband and 3 cats. She always sleeps towards
the bottom of the bed near our feet.

We do not have her crate up anymore. When she goes and hides because of
thunder or a loud noise, she usually goes to into a bathroom or bedroom. It
varies on that.

I play catch, she retrieves very well. We run around and chase each other. I do
focusing games, like have her touch my hand and then I will give her a treat
from the other hand. We go for nice long walks on leash through our
neighborhood. I do not bring her to dog parks.

I play with her inside and outside. It varies about the time. During the week, I
guess I play with her for about a half hour to about one and a half hours
when I get home and throughout the night. On the weekends we are together
doing things. I like to bring her with me when I go places. We play fetch, run
around, sleep. I might read a book and she lays next to me. She does this
thing where she sits back on her hind legs and puts her paws up in front of
her like a beg position. I never taught it to her, she started doing it on her
own. She loves to give hugs, but does not lick or kiss. As soon as she sees me
when I come home, she has to give me a hug. Weird.

Sometimes I do get down on her level and play tug of war with her. (why do I
think you are going to say that is bad?) Sometimes I might hide a toy and
cover it and she has to come over and get it. I might keep hiding it from her
until she can find it. She is only 42 pounds. So she is not that big. She loves to
roll on her back and I rub her belly. She doesn't really jump all over me, but
she does try to get her toy. So I guess she sort of jumps on me.

I have seen her play at my husband's job. There is another dog there who is
pretty dominant with her. My husband swears for the most part they play fine,
but when I have seen them play, the other dog (her size) is another female,
fixed, lab mix, and she is pretty dominant with Josie. Just my opinion.

Oh, and I NEVER raise my voice at her. Never. But if my husband and I start
discussing something and someone raises their voice, I can tell she is
effected by it. The way a child would be. We have no kids, but I am not dumb.
I always try to not raise my voice around her because I can see the effect.

Please let me know what you think when you can.

I really do love her so much. We do not have kids. Our pets are our kids, but I
want to raise them correctly. Josie gets along fine with our kitties. They play
and chase each other. Like I said before, if I have done something
unknowingly that can be undone, I would love to know how.

Thanks so much for your help and opinions,
Regards
Marybeth

Answer
Hi, Marybeth,

Thanks for the info.

It's best if you only play with her outdoors. Also, if you play "chase" with her, she should always chase YOU, not the other way around. You should definitely play "tug-of-war" with her, always let he win, and praise her enthusiastically for winning. You also need to read all the links I sent you and follow the suggestions in them, esp. the hand feeding exercise. Hand feeding her outdoors, using the pushing technique, will build her confidence enormously.

She should also NOT sleep on your bed at night. And if she's scared by loud noises she should NOT comfort her. Instead, what I would do is say to her, "Wow! What was that?" as if the noise had surprised ME and I was recognizing and sharing her initial reaction--not her subsequent panic, just the initial startle response. Then I'd say, "That was really scary, huh?" And if she's still nervous or trembling a bit, etc., then I'd praise her: "What a good girl you are to notice that sound! Good girl!" I'd praise her repeatedly until my acknowledgment of what SHE'S feeling has sunk in, and she feels connected to me through the praise, then I'd say, "Okay! It's over! Good girl!" in bright, a happy voice as if the threat really is gone.

I hope this helps!

LCK
http://www.LeeCharlesKelley.com
“Changing the World, One Dog at a Time”

http://www.tiny.cc/SwimUpstream

http://www.tiny.cc/MythofTug