Expert: Jill Connor, Ph.D. - 1/20/2012

Question
QUESTION: Hello,

I have recently taken on the care of my Grandmother's 9 year old Shih-poo named Muffin. I have my own dog named Charlie who is a 2 year old mini-doodle.The problem with Muffin is she did not grow up a very sociable life and my Charlie has been the exact opposite- a very social butterfly who loves all people and animals. Muffin is in no way aggressive to dogs and is used to Charlie at this point but their "friendship" is based on civilized "business like" terms.Muffin is a very social loving and playful 9 year old. Considering she came from a home where it was just my grandmother and her living a very unsocial life- she adapted very well to my cats and Charlie.
So my question to you is- is there a way I can bring two very playful dogs together to be good friends that play with each other? Muffin seems to get the basics of proper play that she is supposed to do with a dog- but only wants to do it with me. She plays with stuffed animals and me but she will not play with Charlie at all. It seems my grandmother played a lot of games with Muffin where she used her hand as "the other dog". When Charlie approaches Muffin in a neutral manner she does acknowledge him and even wags her tail but if he tries to play with her she avoids eye contact and tries to remove herself from the situation.

Hoping you can help and appreciate your input :)

Regards,

Amanda

ANSWER: Leave well enough alone and count your blessings!  Muffin, despite probably no socialization to other dogs, cats, etc., is making an adjustment and Charlie, because he HAS been properly socialized, is welcoming her with open paws.  BUT in Muffin's culture, this is Charlie's place and she is trying to find her spot in the social hierarchy and adjust to cats, also.  Muffin is obviously giving signals of friendship but avoiding contact and removing herself from the situation over a "toy" (resource) is NORMAL.  She's making a statement to Charlie, "I'm not trying to take over."  As she habituates further to your household (could take months), she may engage Charlie in a game.  If it comes, it will come by itself.  That's the way it should be.  Sounds like everything is going quite well so far.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks so much for your quick response! I really do appreciate it. I notice that Charlie favours the game of chase and does try to take her toys when she is playing with it to try and get her to chase it.
I do have another question- is it ok that I am bringing her to the dog park? She enjoys the walking through the forest but is very nervous when Charlie goes and does his thing with his furry friends. Dogs approach her and greet her but she puts her tail between her legs and asks to picked up. I usually tell her that she is ok and to sniff tthem but she never does. Maybe in time she will come around too? For a dog who never got walks she sure is getting brave and venturing out to sniff things.
Our bed is very high and we got thos "doggy-steps" if you will and i cannot get her to use them for the life of me. I tried treat training her to use them and she kind of stumbled down them one day and has been scared of them since. Weather I have treats or not she is refusing to use them. Is there anything I can do or just leave the steps there and hope for the best? The other night I refused to bring her up on the bed hoping she would use them and she said screw that and went and slept under the bed! Thanks again for your great help :)

Answer
Avoid the dog park.  This is called "flooding": exposing any creature (including human) to something that frightens them, and it can either "shock" the patient or worsen the fear.  Right now, she's having a hard time making the adjustment to a totally new environment.  The dog park is making it that much harder.  

Unfortunately, there's no way we can communicate to our dog companions that our intentions are good and good for them.  They have their own culture and speak their own language.  You can learn to understand what she's communicating by reading/watching Turid Rugaas work on dog communication:
http://www.dogwise.com/itemdetails.cfm?ID=DTB527

Charlie is not playing "chase", he's making a statement in social hierarchy.  Don't let him remove toys from her, distract him.  It's easy to train this.  Purchase a normal whistle.  Test it outdoors and learn to blow it at its LOWEST frequency.  As you pass him casually several times a day, blow the whistle (at lowest level) and drop a juicy treat in front of him (so he sees it coming, many dogs won't recognize the treat immediately).  Within a few days, he will learn that "whistle" = juicy treat.  Now test it.  Move across the room from him and "whistle", he will come to you!  Jackpot (a few treats) and praise, then walk away.  Do this a few days at random intervals.  You now have a tool to redirect him when he tries to remove a toy from Muffin.  He will NOT connect his behavior (trying to take the toy) with the treat since a few seconds will pass between his turning away from that task to get to you for the treat.  Slowly, this redirection will stop him from trying to take toys from Muffin.  If Muffin begins to respond (dogs learn from observing one another) and comes to you (or even close to you), give her the treat after you give it to Charlie.  Don't let him run over and scoff her treat, hold onto him with a merry voice and jolly him until she eats her treat.

Eventually, when they have established an "understanding" between them, Muffin and Charlie will stop "testing" one another (or at least Charlie will).  It will take time.