AboutJeroen R. van Olst Expertise “What do I want to do?” This, along with: “How am I going to do this?” and “Am I on the right track?” is the most frequently asked question I have received in my career as a vocational counselor to students and career advisor and coach to all-level professionals.
Experience With a vast professional and human experience in the international business community, now, for the past 15 years, I work as an independent counselor to those who want to find their talents and live a full and happy professional and personal life.
Education/Credentials BA Hotel Administration, BA Advertising. For the rest, I received my professional and personal education by working hard and with a lot of blood, sweat and tears.
Question Hi,
I am about to finish my MBA and do not have a job inline. I dread finding myself trapped in a 9-8 type of job spending my days in meetings, dealing with politics and living in an office without natural light.
I do not have experience to lauch a business. Consulting sounds the closest option except that it is seems too hectic.
I am nervous about missing a good career because of unrealistic expectations that I can't shake off.
Please help
Thanks
Answer Dear Marie
Having high or unrealistic expectations, even in general, is a sure way of getting disappointed. Not that there is anything wrong with being disappointed, it’s part of (professional) life. It’s just that things never quite work out the way we see something beforehand. Reason: we live in a world that changes in the blink of an eye, and will keep on changing continuously. Knowledge I used successfully as a college professor, 20 years ago, is worthless today. What stands today, will inevitably fall tomorrow. One day a company does well, the next, it doesn’t, and so on. There’s no such thing as a ‘sure thing’, and that, in itself, isn’t a sure thing.
It is why, for many years, I have been teaching people, and myself, that being successful professionally is only part of being successful in life itself. It’s a matter of choice. Do you want to go just for the money, or do you want to be doing something you truly enjoy. Doing something you truly enjoy, is better, always. The money that comes with that will always satisfy your needs. Because, if you do something you enjoy, the money will automatically come to you.
I’m saying this, and please correct me if I’m wrong, because, reading between the lines of what you write, I detect a fear (nervousness) for your (professional) future.
If your expectations already sound unrealistic to yourself, how will they sound to ‘others’. The positive point in all this is, that you already know what you DON’T want. So, in fact, you don’t need to think about that anymore, and can concentrate on what you DO want. Besides, who says you have to have a 9 to 8 job in an office? Is that something you have been taught and conditioned into believing? Or is that the way it really is, out there, in the ‘real’ world? It seems to be. The only thing we keep forgetting, and continuously need to remind ourselves of, is that you can make of your life what you want it to be like. This, as you go along in life. A house isn’t built just by thinking about it. It needs constructing before you can live in it.
If we want to get somewhere, we will need to take the car and face the hazards of driving in traffic. Now, you can see this as a dangerous undertaking with too many risks. Or you could see it as a challenge, in order to be able to feel pride when you get to your destination, after having overcome the obstacles of traffic lights, rude drivers, potholes. In professional career-terms, deal with and overcome office politics, spending days in meetings and living in an office with no natural light.
Consulting does seem like an option. Still, you may want to think about what you would advise your clients on the problem you’re dealing with now? Since, the predicaments professionals deal with are not only professional ones, but also personal ones. In my experience as a consultant, a problem practically never is about the money, the job itself, the strict organizational inner-workings of a company. It has to do with People and how they deal with their job and life. One is inherent to the other. The funny thing is that, each time I deal with a company, the same basic problems arise, that it’s a combination of organizational structures and the people that make them work.
Don’t get me wrong, I read an intelligent person in what you write, and probably very creative. And I’m far from wanting to sound conceited. Still, you may want to think of the tricks people play in professional life. Something you, as a consultant, must pick up on and deal with and have a quick answer to. Sometimes I just know someone is lying through his teeth. Not because it says so in the books, but because I’ve been had many times in my career and have learned to pick up the signals of discrepancies in what is being said and done.
A magician does a perfect job, because he/she has practiced that trick many times over. He/she can tell you how the trick works, but you will have to DO the trick to really know what he/she is talking about. See what it really feels like. Only then can you truly advise someone. Because it’s not about how the trick ends, but how it works. Unless you want to be surprised into something, every time.
Play the game, Marie. Go out there, and just start somewhere. Nothing is forever. If you get an office with no natural light, does that mean that you will spend the rest of your life there? Says who? You? Why? Or would it be possible that you change jobs after a year of office politics and all, having learned and experienced what that is truly like? Whether it’s office politics, or other games, we need to learn the tricks. A good consultant needs to know the tricks that are NOT in the books!
Your MBA is, indeed, very important. Still, as you will experience, it’s only a tool to be used as the foundation for the rest of your professional life (the house you're constructing). The world changes, meaning that your knowledge changes with it through experience, increasing in some areas, diminishing in others, always to your needs at that moment. And changing again, the next.
Let your expectations go, Marie. It’s a burden that brings you down, and takes all the energy and fun out this adventure called ‘life’. Don’t look at what ‘others’ do or have to say about it. What do YOU want to do, what do YOU have to say about it? Don’t depend on ‘others’ to tell you what would be good for you. They have their truth. You have your own.
That’s a tough decision to take, to let go the ‘security’ of the situation you’re in now. Since, you know what you’ve got, but don’t know what you’ll get. Well, no one does, myself included. And those who say they do, only ‘expect’ something they don’t know whether it will happen or not.
So let it happen, put yourself out on a limb and experience this great journey you’re about to embark upon. You have nothing now, so how can lose what you don’t have?
Avoid having to say, ‘If I only had…” It’s a little pathetic to have to look back onto your life and having to say that you never took the risk of getting happy, professionally or otherwise. The risk being, facing and truly giving something all you have and learning the tricks of the trade. You won’t only be intelligent, but smart too. And that combination is the best there is. It's called Wisdom. Most professionals I meet, are very smart, but not very intelligent. There’s a big difference between those two. So, already being intelligent, now also get smart, and become wise Marie.
How?
Time to change strategy and leave your old (comfortable) life behind. Step over the threshold into uncertainty, and enjoy the rollercoaster ride, called life. Quite an adventure, I can assure you. So, you may want to take a good and honest look at what you DO want. Write it down on a list, and write down the reasons. Be honest with yourself. Whatever it is, no bars held, let your imagination rip, no matter how ridiculous or crazy or impossible the ideas may sound to you. Don’t think about what ‘others’ would say. What do YOU say? What do YOU believe in?
In my experience, everyone knows what they want. It’s just a matter of truly searching for it. Which means, taking an open and honest look at yourself, and actually expressing what you want. So the mentioned lists are a great way of putting yourself in black and white.
Here’s another thing. When I turned 50 last year, I treated myself to a psychological test, concerning my talents, personality and professional career choice. Just for the fun of it. Did I need it? No. Anything new? Yes, some. Surprise! No wonder, though. Life changes, and inherently, we change with it. We may not want that, but there it is. That’s life. And the sooner we come to terms with that, the easier our life becomes. And again, we can decide to have fun with something we can’t change anyway ( you can’t stop time), or having to say, ‘if I only had’. Fun is better. Do you want to play the game, or do you want to take it so seriously you get lost in the details of the rules? Which is where you are now. You may want to take tests like that and see what comes out of it. What do you have to lose?
There’s nothing more scary than stepping outside of the circle, that restricted world you are in now, and don’t want. The only one who can actually DO something about, is you. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you do something and keep your eyes and ears open. Don’t look at the goal. You know where it is, so you can concentrate on playing the game. Will you reach the goal? Who knows! But at least you have the courage to play! And you’ll be DOING something to get out of your predicament.
Feeling uncertain? That’s called projection, comparing yourself with ‘others’ and the world around you, who seem to have it all so together. Still, believe me, they have the same doubts and fears and failures. It’s just that those ‘others’ are playing the game.
Or do you depend on ‘others’ giving you the happiness you deserve? You can wait a long time for that, or take your own life into your own hands and shape it into what you want it to be. You have that power. Let it out. You have a creative mind, which is probably why you are where you are now. Find your passion.
We are prone to manipulate our thoughts to our ‘needs’ and ‘convenience’. Tough, to be honest about and with ourselves. But it does help us in our choices.
What will your surroundings say? Does it matter? If they think less of you for going after what makes YOU happy and in YOUR way, they probably aren’t such good friends, anyway.
Get an idea of what really goes on ‘out there’, experience it!
Call ten companies and pretend you’re doing a survey, or article about the profession, or whatever. Get an inside look. Don’t take someone else’s word for it, experience it. What do you feel when you’re there, or when you talk to someone in a certain profession? People are always glad to talk about their profession. It makes them feel good, and you get the information you need. Everyone’s happy!
Is there a second, third, best thing on your list of what you enjoy doing? If the first doesn’t work out, and you truly gave it all you have, you will have an alternative to fall back on and not surprise yourself empty-handed. And when that passion hits, hold on to it, and never forget what you went through to get it. You’ll need the experience for when it may happen again, and you’ll be prepared.
It’s become quite an epistle, and there’s so much to say. Read it a couple of times. Think about it. Don’t rush it. I hope the above will help you a little to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Because it’s there! And you owe it to YOURSELF to make it happen. And you will be proud of yourself for having the guts to do it. Let me know if you have any more questions, any time.
A good friend of mine told me the other day: “If something doesn’t fulfill you, STOP IT!” He’s right. You are ready to stop and go into a different direction. Surprise yourself into getting happy, Marie!
And remember:
“Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
Mark Twain
