Expert: Taylor Sheppard - 7/14/2009

Question
I finally confessed to my husband that I have always wanted to try acting.  We agreed I would spend the next year getting in shape (I have some left over baby weight from my 2 year old) and then I could take some acting classes.  When we started discussing what types of roles/projects I would want to do, my husband said he would never be comfortable with me kissing another man or doing any kind of intimate scene.  I feel the same way and want to do parts or projects that I would be okay letting my kids watch.  Upon speaking to a friend, she said that there is no way I would make a living with these kind of stipulations. I disagree.  It is my dream to try acting, but will my feelings about this really hinder me?  Aren't there ways to fake kissing?  Any advice is greatly appreciated!

Answer
Hi Candice,

So, you want to be an actor, but you want to completely avoid any roles that would have you even kissing another man?

You also want to know if there are ways of fake kissing.

Starting off, I was puzzled by your remark that you made a deal with your husband that if you lost weight you could START acting classes. So, you would only be allowed to go to classes AFTER you improved yourself? Ok, I may be way off base, and pardon me for it, but what that sounds like is a carrot. "If you do this, you get that". -Except...what? He expects you will fail, so no worries? Or he gets what he wants, you get what you want afterward? You don't need to lose weight to get started. In fact, training takes a while to get to a place that you start auditioning, so you want to get started as soon as possible....

Really serious actors never stop their education. Even big name actors work with coaches on roles to get them right. Whenever I have a big audition I have someone work with me to develop various ways to perform the piece to give the director the knowledge that I can change up what I am doing. Many actors rehearse the one way and when asked to do it completely different, get stuck, or flustered or just wind up doing the same thing they just did. Not a lot to offer there!

Most kisses are fake kisses on screen -to the point that theres no tongue. Lips still do meet, there are the caresses and sighs.

While a spouse might be uncomfortable watching you because you do what you do the way you do it in real life, it's just a job. Many leading men/women don't even like each other, yet they make believe.
In "An Officer and a Gentleman" Richard Gere and Debra Winger looked passionate -good acting, they couldn't stand one another.. Someone wrote me a while back and said he was worried about the love scene he was getting ready for. He wondered "what if I get an erection?" I advised, don't worry, you won't. Not with 40 people watching and working the set. Far from romance.

Question is: is it jealousy that is the issue or religious convictions? I am older and realize that couples in their 20's and even into their thirties can have issues with jealousy. I know I was at 22 or so. I would have freaked a bit about seeing my woman doing a scene. But now that I'm older I realize that either someone is with you or they aren't. I have their heart or I don't. If I date an actress, I know I may see a kissing scene. I can choose to watch it or not, as long as she comes home to me, great! What doesn't work is being posessive or trying to control someone, because that is demanding love, not attracting it.

As to a kissless, touchless acting career: of course you can act in movies or be on tv. In leading roles? -not so much. Not to say you absolutely couldn't be a lead, but it's already hard to break into the business without putting narrow restrictions on what roles you could do. I definitely wouldn't tell anyone in the business you wouldn't even kiss (not even your agent) because they would probably think: "Hmmm. use a girl who won't smooch OR....cast one of millions of others who would give their eye-teeth to be in a movie? What to do...what to do?" I would just make some excuse up to turn it down.

Not to be critical, but in this business it really is how bad you want it, and want to work for it. An actor can't be timid or closed minded to things new if she or he wants to succeed. You also can't be afraid to make a fool of yourself or to explore emotions that make you uncomfortable. For instance, I get really uncomfortable thinking about losing my mom and dad someday...as if you could cause it, like a jinx...but, not only will facing that thought help me later, it allows me to use those emotions at will when I have a particularly sad scene.

Best,

Taylor