Expert: Peter Messaline - 3/8/2010

Question
Hey, Peter! I'm interested in writing a concept for a TV show about the people who work behind the scenes in the porn industry: the clean-up crew, makeup artists, cameramen and, yes, the directors. What I'm interested in knowing is what a typical day at work looks like for these people, if they work at a bigger-budget straight porn studio. Now, I realize that this is, for the most part, outside of your expertise, but if you could answer the questions you do have some knowledge about, I would be forever in your debt :-)

The questions:

1.) Who are the first few people on set, and how early do they have to be there?
2.) Who sets up the...well, set, and the lights, cameras and monitors?
3.) When do the actors come in, and how does their day begin?
4.) What's the typical day of a director like? When and how does his day begin, and how long can production run for? When does the director take a break, and what do they usually do on their breaks - apart from have lunch, that is. When and how do their days end? Do they have to do anything work-related when they get home (or alternately, does their work affect what they do at home in any way)?
5.) What's the typical day of a makeup artist like? When and how do their days begin? In their line of work, how dirty do their hands actually have to get? How often is a makeup artist needed during a shoot? When do they go on breaks, and what do they do besides eat? When and how do their days end? Again, do they have to do anything work-related at home?
6.) Pretty much the same questions about cameramen: when do they come in? What do they do first thing? What do they do on their breaks? When and how do their days end? Also, to what extent do they interact with actors offscreen? Do cameramen sometimes have to step in as fluffers, or does someone else do that?
7.) Same questions about the cleanup crew. Also - this is silly - but what do you call a cleanup crew member, if you don't want to call him a "cleanup crew member" (which can be long and tedious)? Do they ever have to step in during the shoot or do they only come in after everyone's done? If it's the latter, what do they do during the shoot? What happens if there's an unfortunate accident and a director or cameraman gets...um, bodily fluids on him - who cleans that mess up? What cleanup equipment is required for this line of work? Does cleanup ever get to deal with actors?
8.) How does dealing with female actors differ from dealing with male actors?
9.) When shooting an indoor scene, where are the film sets usually located? (This porn studio is going to be in Porn Valley.)

Whew... I realize that there are a lot of questions here, and I really appreciate you guys volunteering to answer people's queries like this. You're great!  

Thank you so much for your help!

Answer
Send a treatment to anybody in the business, and they'll send it straight back unopened, because they don't want to be accused of stealing your idea in ten years' time when they make a backstage porno film.

I had a letter similar to yours a while back from a guy called William Wordsworth. He wanted to write a poem about daffodils and could I answer some questions?
What actually is a daffodil?
What's the difference between a hill and a vale?
Is a host equal to ten crowds, or a hundred?

You have no qualifications to write about a place until you've been there. You don't know how a group works unless you've been a part of it.
The porn industry is not all the same, like the car industry -- it has everything from heavyweight studios churning out product, to three guys and a girl making home movies.

If you want to write, write. Don't think about a market and how to sell your work -- just see if you can actually write. Write a short scene or two, and when you think it's ok, show it to your friends, if they think it's ok, move on to more ambitious projects.