Expert: Taylor Sheppard - 1/25/2012

Question
QUESTION: I want you to take this question seriously. But from watching a lot of TV and movies it seems clear that most actors or at least those that are best known are very good looking people. Do ugly people ever make it into acting, or perhaps due to their looks aspire to be something else completely? I ask this question as I notice my giant bald spot not changing much since I started using a suppliment and recently Propecia, and think back to all the times prior to thinking that bald guys never get the girl that I was still too ugly to date most women. Are acting scouts biased in these regards? Are people prone to be actors bred extremely well?

ANSWER: Hi James,

The acting world is a reflection of the real world, albeit, sometimes sanitized and dolled up, depending on the project. It is true that many of the A-list, famous actors were born too pretty for words, but there are just as many with flaws. As acting imitates life, all types are needed, not just for lead roles. I just read a piece in our local paper on John Hawkes, who, an Austin native, has gotten a star on our Texas Actor walk of fame. I remember years ago working on a scene with him as an extra in "Flesh and Bone" a Dennis Quaid/Meg Ryan movie. He had a small role as a bachelor having a party in a joint, with Meg popping out of a cake and throwing up on him, the groom to be. (It was a scene to introduce her character). John has since gone on to a part in "A Perfect Storm" with Mark Wahlberg, co-starring in HBOs "Deadwood" series, a role in the recent "Miami Vice" reboot, and many other shows.

John was blessed, or cursed, with a VERY prominent proboscis...er, nose. He would be perfect if they ever decided to do another "Cyrano De Bergerac". Yet, he has followed his nose into a very nice career. Thing is, what you have is what you have. Own it! Attitude has so much to do with life and acting. Confidence can wipe out disadvantages. I worked on "Infamous" with Daniel Craig, the new James Bond. Classical good looks? NO! Tall, NO! I am at least 2 inches taller and I am 5'10". He has acne scars big time. So does Edward James Olmos. So does James Woods. Did it matter? NO! When I worked on "Courage Under Fire", I was standing in the pre-dawn darkness, waiting to get into costuming, and one by one, was joined by a handful of actors. The one said hi to me, and I assumed he was a day player, didn't know him from Adam. Well, this very short, very bald on the back of his head, very thick eyeglassed guy goes to makeup and costuming, and comes back tall, no glasses and full haired. And he was Bronson Pinchot, from "Beverly Hill Cop" and "Perfect Strangers"...lately of celebrity shows...


They can do things to glam you up, ugly you up or whatever they want to do. They somehow made Rob Lowe look like Drew Peterson in a tv movie I saw last night! And it was perfect and believable!

My advice? Hike up your confidence, and take classes and really apply yourself. They just want good, intense actors. They can fix the rest!

Best, Taylor

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I'd be curious to learn of other people who get extremely prettied up for TV and movies. Having watched a lot of Star Trek I've always wondered how Frakes' hair has changed since TNG started. lol. Also it seemed that many of the uglier actors often ended up being Forengies, and the Clingons were generally good looking Shakespearean actors. Picard, the doctor on Voyager, and only a few other actors in my opinion ever made bald look good. Mind you I am not completely bald. I am 31, and fighting it as best as possible with the income I have. I should probably point out that I am not an actor nor studying it. This was mostly a question of appearances. I went to college as a psych major because I seem to be a reck. lol. And I am not sure if it is my nerdy nature, but I like all things to have a relationship. I'd like my confidence to reflect great things that I've actually done in my life. Not something I invent to give off the strategic vibration to get women to like me. According to Darwin, "Confidence is rarely begotten by actual accomplishment." I'd personally like my qualities to give people a deep reflection of who I am and what I have done that reflects me as a person. Man I miss being younger. I never really lived my life when I was in my early 20's and now it feels like the only women who will date me have kids, have emotional issues, and are quite overweight. Also many of them are in a huge hurry to be married in general or again. Life is not a bowl of cherries. lol.

ANSWER: Hi  again, James

I definitely feel your pain. True that as you go on in age that most of the women who are available are, because, well, they have baggage and issues that often put them there. American women also have a sense of entitlement born from the “princess fantasy” of childhood…that, and too much tv. As Don Henley sang: “They see it on the tv and they want it pretty fast”. I constantly remind my female friends that the shows on Lifetime/LMN (hate that channel) are manufactured female fantasy shows. The men are all handsome and have really good jobs or family wealth, and live in nice houses/mansions and drive shiny cars ….which are all rented for the production and the actors portraying those guys all at Ramen noodles getting there!

If you ask a woman about their dream guy, guess what? He is not the guy she's with!

However, there are things you can do: First, a man isn’t necessarily measured by his accomplishments, as much as his character…at least for the kind of girl who wouldn’t throw you under the bus for another dude with bucks.
Let me recommend a book to you. It’s called “Intimate Connections” by Dr. David Burns. It was written in about 1985. Don’t let the name or date put you off, there’s a lot to learn from it. He teaches you about being too nice, and how to get respect without you becoming a class A jerk. It really had an effect on my life. I took one of his ideas from the book and changed it a bit. I had a female friend that knew her clothing and style go with me to the mall and buy clothes to suit me. Women know what looks good to them. Also what to do with your hair style. If you are balding, don’t try to hide it. Doesn’t fool anyone. And realize that you can get too much into your head and become Woody Allen. The more involved in life you are, the more opportunities to meet people! Step outside yourself and focus on others. While Jim Carrey’s “Yes Man” was just a movie, his character jumping out learning everything put him out there! That’s not just fiction. If you just go your own way, happiness will follow. Don’t chase it.  And  as I say to young would be actors, learn not to give a shit. Just chill!

Best, Taylor


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I'm told that Italian women especially want to be treated like princess and with all the best. So I guess I am in luck that I don't find them particularly attractive. lol. I've only meet one woman that had the kind heart to take me as I am. A French Candian girl. Unfortunately the distance over the boarder and her kids made it a tough proposition. I only wish to do all i can to grow back my hair. I've slicked my hair back since I was in high school I think. But I am afraid that slicking it back might give the appearance that I am hiding my bald spot which I am not necessarily trying to do. Not really sure. Yes, man was a great movie. Word has it he's doing another Bruce Almighty film back in my hometown of Buffalo. :) After Henry's crime it would be good to have another good movie that takes place in Buffalo besides it's a wonderful life. lol. I'd be worried about having a woman pick my clothing. I would think that would make me a metrosexual, and besides anyone who volunteers to tell me how to dress is someone whos opinion I already care not for. lol. You're right about the age thing. Nobody younger than 26 (and she has issues) has showed interest in me. Usually 29 is the youngest. I give general dating advice on this site and a 40 year old cougar was asking me if it was all right that she only have sex with guys in their 20's. It seems the age relationship between the sexes has changed. lol. Anyway I appreciate your advice, and wanted to add these comments. You may reply to them if you wish.

Answer
Hey again, James,

Yeah, you really need someone who takes you as you are. Anytime a guy holds himself out to be anything he is not, it's asking for trouble. Even when you are not, women will often start attaching expectations to you...as if you are a renovation project...meanwhile their "battle cry" is: "Don't try to change me!"

I think you are putting too much on the hair thing. Sometimes people will pick one aspect they don't enjoy about themselves and put all their focus on it. Often as an "out" to avoid scary situations... I have seen plenty of guys without hair, height, good looks, with hot women on their arm. It's really about being comfortable in your own skin and how you handle yourself. It's not acting cocky, not being the tough guy, etc. It's just going your own way and not letting a woman start telling you what to change. If you let them, they will eventually not like what they've created, and dislike you more for not holding your ground. I had a girl in college that I did everything for. She treated me like shit. We ran into each other at a bar while she was having a "girl's night out". Really bitchy to me. Something snapped, and I went up and calmly asked if she would be home for a moment after closing, because I had something to drop off. She responded: "Maybe. I don't know, we're having fun." I said "ok." and walked. Of course, she was expecting whatever "it" was, and was there. I knocked and maintained my distance and handed her her things she left at my place. She was stunned! She finally asked: "Do you want your key back?" I said "Yeah" and took it from her and started down the stairs. I stopped and said: "Make a wish!" She looked at me and I hurled the key into the adjoining woods. I turned and started down again, only to hear her crying. I kept going. Needless to say, she spent a lot of time in the next weeks trying to win me back.

Thing is, being happy without a girl will attract them ("That guy is waay too happy! We gotta stop this NOW!")...lol!

Seriously, I've always been a romantic, but in reality, the dating part is fun, but once you get serious, the fun gradually cools down and the crap rises up. My buddy Matthew got to watch his parent's drama growing up (split, reconcile, split again, reconcile) and no wonder he never let a woman tie him down. I suspect he finally found a cool one, but I KNOW he didn't "settle" out of desperation. I have a friend, an older French guy, (60 something, glasses and skinny) who said to me the other day: "French guys have this reputation for being great lovers, but we aren't any more than other men. It's just that American men put up with too much shit from women. If one of my GIRLFRIENDS starts in on me, I just tell them that I disagree and will talk with them later, and leave." It's not an act, he means it. The only way you can do it, is to be serious. You can't ever have anything until you are ready to let it go, and if you think you have it, you are likely mistaken. He who cares, or appears to care the most, loses. That's why I recommended that book to you. He talks about dealing with women who give you the runaround, etc. It is truth. I have given away so many copies I had to friends to help them out.

I didn't say get a girlfriend to dress you, rather find a gal that is smart and savvy to NOT be dressing you like a boy band guy, who can take you from your comfort zone a bit. I was lucky, I had an ex=boss that knew fashion, textiles and well made clothes. She could find deals and got me a lot for a small amount, and damn if the clothes lasted for years! She helped my hair style, etc. I rewarded her by buying her a couple things, but she just loved fixing me up, and she had women checking me out! And I didn't feel like a clown. Maybe you could try Craigslist?

Anyway, best to you in the dating battle. Forget dating sites, just go out and take some classes or volunteer, just put yourself out in contact with the world and love yourself and RELAX.

Taylor