Expert: Howard Lorenz - 1/11/2008

Question
QUESTION: My son is waiting to begin mos training and is totally and completely depressed, wants to come home, and feels that he has made a huge mistake in joining the Marines.  He turned 18 in bootcamp; I had to sign for him to join the delayed entry program a little over a year ago, and believe me, it took some convincing.  He was so gung ho that I eventually became proud of his decision to become one of "the few, the proud."  Now however, after spending 4 weeks home for recruiter's assistance over the holidays, he feels totally disillusioned.  He is completely miserable and has mentioned that he just wants to come home.  I am very concerned.  I have talked to his jrotc instructors, his recruiter, and inactive Marines in my desperation.  I've been advised to call his commanding officer and tell him about some of the desperate messages I receive from my son.  He has now sought counseling on base, but has no faith in it; he just wants to come home.  I have warned him that deserting the military will jeopardize his future in such a way that will make him even more depressed than staying in and finishing his remaining 3 1/2 years.

Please help.  He is taking my advice so far, but I feel that he will eventually do just what he wants to do.  What are the possible consequences?  Is there any way I can point him in the right direction?  Should I call his co?  



ANSWER: You are in a grey area...Your son is calling to you for support. I think that you need to support him but at the same time, tell him that he needs to complete his time. He has to give the counseling time to work. Sometimes they will turn around, others they have their minds made up and they will do anything int he book to get out. Also let him know that he will not be able to get into any other branches if he doesn't complete his time.... Sometimes they see how the other side lives and think if they get out of this one they can cross into the other...

If you think that your son will harm himself...By all means call his CO immediately!! Sometimes there are some that are not cut out for military service. Have you tried to have the recruiter call him? He motivated him once before, mabe he can do it again???

I hope that everything turns out good for you ...and him

HW

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you so much for your reply!  I do have one more question: Should I call his CO if I think he's going to desert?  I feel responsible for him being held back in training because I'm the one who suggested he "talk to someone."  That advice was in response to him saying that he was going to leave if somebody didn't stop him.  Now, because of my advice, his "purgatory" will be even longer, but I'm afraid that if I contact the CO the consequences could be even worse for my son.  Really, he's not interested in the counseling, only hoping that it will result in him being discharged, which would probably keep him from having the kind of job that he wants (law enforcement).  He keeps trying to tell me that there is virtually no punishment for deserters/UAs, but from what I've heard, the long term consequences are pretty bad.  

Thank you again!

Answer
Your son is kidding him self if he thinks that there is no punishment for deserters!! Either that or someone is filling his head with untruths. You son has to realize something...If he deserts...he is a criminal and he will never be able to be in ANY kind of law enforcement!!!! My biggest fear is if he cant hack the military what makes him think that he can hack being a cop? Because in a way he is a Cop now....an international one. This he needs to know.

Deserting the military will do your son more harm than he thinks. I can appreciate your concern for your son, but put the ball in his hands and tell him that he needs to be a man and finish what he started. Deserting or going AWOL is just the beginning of traveling down the WRONG road.

Tell him that he needs to go and see the Chaplin. Sometimes they have more clout and they have a confidentiality clause. The chaplain can sometimes get to the bottom of whats really troubling someone....

HW