Expert: John L - 11/21/2008

Question
I'm 18 and very confused. My xbf has come back into my life. We haven't seen each other in almost 4 years. When I knew him he was a 9th grade dropout and addicted to pot and possibly other drugs.He had a few arrests for possession & theft.I heard he had joined the Army Reserves earlier this year.I couldn't believe it, but it was true.He graduated from Basic, called me & made plans to come and see me. He has done this to me MANY MANY times & he never comes. I live in NC, him in TX & in Fl, as his parents are divorced.He told me that he wanted me to come to FLW when he left there on Oct 31. Plans were made the beginning of Oct. I heard NOTHING from him for the whole month until 2 days before he left there,writing my sister, asking for me to call him. It was too late then for me to go. He told me that the Army had found drugs in the barracks and that everyone had lost their cells and their privledges.I'm confused because I did see him online on his myspace during this time. Guess they didn't take his laptop, only his phone?LOL Now since he is out, he's calling me, wanting to come see me, but first it was for a week, then it was for a few days, now it's down to one day. Last night he said that he was going to go back to TX to have Thanksgiving with his family, then come to see me for a week after.I'm basically a mess. I'm in my second year of college & I can't concentrate on my grades.He's let me down so many times before. I don't trust him.Yet I still care. I wonder sometimes if he's still in the Reserves. He says he's reporting to his unit in Corpus Christi, TX. He mentions marriage and "We'll have an instant connection". I want my life & my career.Yet I don't want to hurt him.His name is Joshua Andrew Welty, if you want to see if he's for real.
Thanks and I hope that you can help me.What should I do?

Answer
To be honest, do not get invlolved with this guy.  He needs to get his life straight and on his own.  You do not need the headache like the things you have told me you have experienced with him before.

Do not call him, do not return his calls.  Write him a letter or email telling him that you are over him, he is thing of the past and both of you need to move on.  He feels he has power over you (somewhat true if you are thinking of this)  Cut your ties, you will be  alot happier in the end.

Short and to the point.   I am speaking form expereience in dealing with young soldiers all the time.  I have heard this before.

Good luck