Expert: Howard Lorenz - 5/9/2008

Question
My husband is in the process of joining the Air Force.  My dad was in the AF for 20 years and retired as a Captain.  My husbands father is a retired Marine.  We both are well aware of the lifestyle involved with mlitary.  Most of our family members have been extremely supportive with our decision, but there are a few of his family members that have expressed their dissappointment.  They feel that my husband is "settling" and that he should be "more creative" and "take more risks" in the civilian world instead of taking advantage of military ife and benefits.  I guess it would be easier to deal with their doubt if it were because they feared for his life---but to tell him he's settling and taking the easy road is insulting!  How do I deal with this form of rejection?!     When my husband and I sat down with them and explained our reasons for making this decision----they told us that by listing our reasons to them we are only trying to convince ourselves that its okay.

Answer
Nancy,

I know that the "Family Opnion" sometimes feel important, but the fact is what you and your husband do with your life is your business. I kind of did the same thing, the only difference being that I was single. It was Oh you should go to college....You already have a good paying job, why would you want to go into the military...Blah, Blah, Blah...

There are alot of people that do not understand how hard it is right now to find a good paying job that has the benefits that the military has. My family now in hindsight, after 20 years of service is trying to get me to stay in....longer!! now its ...Oh you should go to 30 years you have come this far....

Its me that ready for the change, so my advise to you is let them be disappointed, they will only be disapointed for a little while. You and the hubby need to do this, not them. They can only reflect on their experiences with the military and to be truthfull, they must not have liked it as much as they say they did or they would bless the decision. Fact is I think deep down, its not an military issue at all...its the fact that the military will take you all out of the family circle which is the hardest thing for families to except.

HW