Expert: Cynthia Bedell - 7/6/2008

Question
He was a Marine for 12 years and refused himself to at least try to extend his time in Sept 07.  Now he is wishing to rejoin the Amry National Guard.  My questions- What right as his wife do I have in regards to accepting reentry into the military living?  I do not wish to be forced to travel, we have six children.  Another question- If he rejoins, doesn't he have to sign the children over to me or family full custody because of the possibility of traveling for operations?  I do not wish to put my children and myself through this again.  During his first time in, there were domestic violence problems, child service problems and even he using me as the excuse not to travel to Iraq when he was first requested to go.  Is there a way to put a block on his rejoining, at least until a compromise is put in writing as submitted to the recruiter.  Basically, I would be in agreement to his rejoining, if I do not have to relocate my children and myself and if he grants full custody to me.  Thanks for your time and hope to here from you soon.  Please forward any information of anyone that can help me further.

Answer
Dear Theresa --

Your husband does not have to assign full custody of the children to you to re-enlist.  Only single parents without a spouse have to grant custody to someone else to be allowed to enlist.

None of your issues are ones that can be directly solved by a recruiter or other military members intervening.  They are all decisions you must make either as a family, or by you as in individual to protect your family.

If you do not want him to re-enter the military, you need to have a serious discussion with him about why.

If you do not mind him serving in the military, as long as you don't have to move, tell him.  The military does not require the family to move, only the service member.  However, if the family does not move, the expense of the second household is borne by the family, the military will not provide housing at two locations.  Any decision to move as a family or not move as a family is between you and your husband.  It will not be part of an enlistment contract.

If you are afraid to have this discussion with your husband because of abuse issues, I recommend you see a marriage counselor either with him (preferred) or without him, if necessary.  If he is truly violent to you or your children, you should seek help from a women's or children's protective agency.  Safe Horizons might have a center near you where you could talk to a counselor.  http://www.safehorizon.org/

I wish you all the best in working out your future for your family.  You deserve to be safe, cared for and respected, as do your children.