Expert: Cynthia Bedell - 8/13/2008

Question
Col. Bedell,  My son is a new recruit in Ft Benning, his first call home, after 2 weeks, was disconcerning.  He is telling me he is very depressed.  I realize there is a certain amount of depression and homesickness that goes along with boot camp. How long does that last, how can we help him cope and what are the "red flags" to be aware of that he is becoming dangerously depressed? He went with a lot of enthusiasm and excitement. Now he expressing he made a mistake, that is very concerning.

Answer
Dear Kay --

Find out what the reasons for his depression are.  If he is depressed because boot camp is not as easy as he expected, and he is not dominating his class, then his feelings are normal, and as he develops military skills his confidence will return.

If he is depressed because he is being unfairly treated, then that is a different concern and would have to be addressed.

If he is depressed because he is ill, encourage him to go on sick call, so he can be treated.

Generally, you can help him cope by letting him know you are proud of him for trying and doing his best no matter what the outcome.  

Also encourage him to help someone in a skill he is good at and get them to help him in something he is weaker in.  Most new recruits try to do it all on their own, but boot camp is about recognizing your weaknesses, and learning that the team is stronger than any single individual.

Boot camp is especially difficult for young people who have always had success.  During boot camp there will be successes and failures.  Young people who have never had to deal with failures, have a very difficult time coping with their first failures at bot camp.  If they dwell on the failure rather than on the process overcoming the weakness or lack of skill that led to the failure, they end up in a depressing downward spiral.  If this could be your son's situation, encourage him to quantify his successes, and then develop plans to overcome his weaknesses.

The restrictions on outside communication are also difficult for this generation of young people that were constantly connected to friends and family by cell phone and text message as they were growing up.  You help just by being available to listen to him when he needs to talk.  I recommend listening, rather than offering solutions, until he asks for advice.  But do try to guide the conversation to things he has done well, so you can congratulate him, and he can recognize he has made progress.

Good luck to you and to him.  Please write back if you have other questions, or your concerns deepen.