Expert: Cynthia Bedell - 8/9/2008

Question
I found out on the day my fiance and boyfriend of 3 years deployed to Iraq that he has a wife and another family. Prior to his deployment we started paperwork for him to adopt my two children. We also tried and succeeded in getting pregnant; I am a month pregnant.

I recognize the wrongness of this situation and despite not having talked to him about it I know that it is true. I have seen the proof. I know I need to walk away; however I am uncertain about how my pregnancy will effect his career in the USMC. He is the father of my three children and despite being disgusted I do not want to hurt him. I just don't know how adultry is treated now. how will child support effect him? He already has a couple bad pg 15 (ithink that's what they call them): one for sleeping with a nco's wife (6 years ago) and a couple of arrests (he is currently on probation until the end of the year for those offenses (assault, battery, & theft by receiving). I know those should have been warning signs but he was straightforward with me about them and appeared to be remoreseful. With those in his file and maybe more what is the likely punishment? He was prevented from moving up in rank before for his diciplinary issues.  

Can you explain to me the process? Again what will likely happen when I open up this can of worms? I grew up in the Navy and it was frowned upon but I never really saw anything happen unless both parties were in the Navy.

Answer
Dear Confused --

I cannot fully answer your question, because the rank of your boyfriend, will likely affect what happens to him.

You are authorized support for your child fathered by him, and for any children he legally adopted.  The children should be registered in DEERS so that they have access to Tricare health insurance.  He should also be paying you a monthly allowance to help pay for their care.

If he is indeed still married to another woman, and has now fathered a child by you, he could be courts martialed and thrown out of the Corps.  However, given the current circumstances, if he has committed no other crimes besides adultery, his punishment will probably be just to have to pay you child support.

It will likely be difficult to communicate with him while he's in Iraq.  He may just ignore your e-mails and letters, rather than filling out the paperwork to get your children the support they deserve.  Depending on how much you need immediate support, you may have to contact his company commander, and file a request for support.

Good luck resolving this issue.  Please write back, if you have more questions, or different issues arise.