Expert: MARK A. HOWELL - 4/21/2009

Question
Dear Mr. Howell,

I am a 27 year old college graduate with a bachelor of arts in International Relations with international educational and professional experience (college studies in New Zealand and Czech Republic). I am mission-driven in my professional life and have always been drawn to serving in the United States Military because of the mission orientation and unique opportunity to give back to my country; I am specifically interested in the Navy or Air Force intelligence communities.  I have worked for two Fortune 500 organizations in a corporate sales capacity and feel that I have the diplomatic intelligence necessary for succeeding in large organizations.  My current professional experience is focused on sales with an emphasis on supply chain management.

With that said, I recently celebrated my one year anniversary with my wife.  She does not come from a military family and has trouble understanding why I am interested in joining the military reserves (her parents would definitely not understand).  My father was enlisted in the US Navy during the Vietnam War, and is a strong patriot.  While I did not grow up in an active military family, moving from place to place, I did grow up with a respect for this nation and its defense forces.  At this juncture in my life, I recognize that joining the military would not be my decision alone.  More so than anything, I wish to love my wife with all of my being, and not to let anything tear that apart.  We are bound in faith and values, and have a very strong (though young!) foundation in our relationship.  This brings me to my wife's (and my) greatest concern about the military.  I have heard from multiple sources that the divorce rate is exceptionally high in the military, and that the Navy is even higher than the average military divorce rate.  I realize that this is in part due to cultural and personal influences, but the military can also create relationship increased relationship strain.

I am hoping that you might be able to help me find some resources that speak to this subject that could help me make my decision to enter the military reserves or not.  Also, if you have any personal experience or reflections on this subject, I would greatly appreciate your insight.

Here are a few of my questions.  Please feel free to answer these or just to use them as a springboard to get you thinking:

1.) In the reserves, are deployments typically shorter than active duty?  If so, how long for Navy or Air Force?

2.) In the current environment, is it likely that joining the reserves is really just another way of signing up for active duty (Iraq, Afghanistan)?  Would I have any chance of NOT being activated right away?

3.) What would you consider to be the most important factors to consider (as a married couple) when deciding if I should enter the military?

4.) Do you have any examples of successful marriages that you've seen in the military?  If so, what are some of the commonalities?

5.) Is the culture of either branch more or less suited to successful married life?

This is obviously not a comprehensive list of questions, but it covers some significant ground in my mind.  Answers and observations regarding these questions will be extremely helpful in my decision process.

Thank you, in advance, for your help with these questions.

Kind Regards,

Matthew
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Answer
Matthew,
Happy Anniversary and congratulations on earning your BA!

Let me tackle your concerns.  You're correct when you say "the divorce rate is exceptionally high in the military, and that the Navy is even higher than the average military divorce rate."  Unfortunately this is true mainly because the Navy has so much Sea Duty.  Think about it.  What good is a Navy ship if it doesn't go out to sea somewhere?  Sailors routinely ship out for 6 months at a time.  Navy planners have announced that a 5/3 sea-shore rotation policy will soon become the fleet standard.  This does not mean that for the sea rotation you will be away for the entire 5 years.  A ships rotation (in port/at sea) fluctuates, but in general terms it's a 6 month deployment followed by 12-18 months in port.  While in port the Navy is pretty much like any other job.  You go to work in the morning and come home at night.  You will have a "duty day" every week or so where you'll have to spend the night on the ship.  When you complete your sea duty they then you transition to shore duty.  Sometimes from home port you'll have some short cruises, maybe 2 weeks long for training. Sea Duty is an additional pay ($200/mo) which is payable after 30 days at sea/underway.  The more you advance in rank and the more time at sea, the more you earn.

Deployments are a way of life in any branch of the Service.  I was married for 18 months when the AF sent me on a short-tour, 12 months in Greenland.  After leaving Greenland I was assigned another short-tour, 15 months on an island in the Mediterranean.  My non-military wife said, "I didn't marry you to live apart from you.  If this is what I can expect I don't want any part of it."  That was 30 years ago and now we often joke about it.

Young married spouses often cannot cope well being separated from their spouse for 6 months at a time routinely.  It can be very stressful, especially when children are involved.  They have to manage the house, the chores, the children, and the finances, all by themselves.  Fortunately the military recognizes this and is becoming much better at taking care of wives when their spouse is away.  There are support groups, and agencies established specifically to take care of spouses.  Child care services, education services, even vehicle maintenance services free to spouses.  Believe me, your wife will make lots of friends and will be amazingly adept at home repair and other things she never dreamed possible.  You'll return to find her a much stronger woman which often leaves to a stronger relationship.

Although you father's Navy experience is highly regarded, it's simply just not your father's Navy anymore.  Plus you dad wasn't an officer was he?  There's a big difference.

Deployments are the same for both Reservists and Active-Duty.  The Air Force used to have the shortest deployments, but now they have increased the length of their deployments.  Most deployments are 12 months for any Service but the Navy.  Although the Navy does have 12 and even 18 month deployments, they're not as common.  That makes the Navy sound more desirable until you add up total times.  The Navy has a bunch of shorter 6-month deployments. Whereas the other Services will have one long deployment every three years.  So total time away from home is roughly equal.

Since you have a B.A. degree you'll be entering as an officer.  In the AF (only) you will not be deployed right away.  AF deployments require only experienced officers with at least 3 years time in Service.  Deployments involve real-world serious stuff, so they demand experience.  Unlike the Army, Navy, & the Marines, this is not the time to send a "newbie" to get him experience.

The most important factor to consider (as a married couple) when deciding if I should enter the military is to ensure your wife is a part of every decision you make.  It's important she knows that her opinion counts.  As a new officer's wife, every other senior officer's wife will want to take her "under their wing" and show her how things work, (whether you're deployed or not).  You'll find the military really is "one big family".  Ever notice when a foreigner walks into a room he'll immediately seek out a fellow foreigner to sit by, or talk to?  Same in the military.  Go to an airport or a large gathering, and you'll see a group of military folks huddled together.  It doesn't matter what Service, we're just all brothers with something in common.  In a few years your wife will be the "wise old sage" that will be adopting new wives like stray puppies and dispensing advice.  The military is indeed not just a job, "It's a way of life!" and a great way at that.

Examples of successful marriages that you've seen in the military?
Most importantly mine.  After 30 years, my wife wouldn't trade our experiences for anything in the world and neither would I.  Unfortunately, most marriages that don't last are inevitably the young enlisted kids.  They're like a kid in a candy store when they start receiving that big paycheck (usually the first ones in their life).  They get married, buy fancy cars, and fill their house with things they can't afford because they've discovered something new called "credit."

Almost every officer I know has a successful marriage, usually because they more "grown-up" and better educated.  You yourself were married at 26 and have a college degree so that greatly increases the odds of a successful marriage.  Of the few officer divorces I've seen, there was such a personality clash I wonder whatever attracted them in the first place.

Is the culture of either branch more or less suited to successful married life?
No, I can't say that I've observed a variance.  Again the Air Force has the best statistics, but that's because they've traditionally deployed less.  Now deployments are a way of life and may not change unless the new political administration brings everybody home and keeps us out of other political hotbeds.

In summary, I don't believe you can go wrong in the military.  A steady government paycheck and a lifetime pension after only 20 years is hard to beat.  Plus the tales you'll have to tell your grandchildren will be priceless.
Best of luck in whatever you choose, and thanks for wanting to serve your country in uniform.
Colonel H