Expert: Cynthia Bedell - 7/29/2009

Question
I have a friend (female) who is enlisted navy.  her husband has physicaly harmed her, threatens and hits her, an di snow entertaining the company of another navy spouse.  How would she go about getting prot. order and divorce.  She has just found out she is 6 wks. pregnant.  Both cars are in her name as well as utilities & housing.  He got our of navy about ( months ago and has yet to find another job or go to school.  Please help, she deserves so  much better.

Answer
Dear Marshall --

Unless someone else has witnessed behavior or seen evidence that might indicate domestic violence, and is willing to go to either the police or the Navy chain of command with the evidence, she must do so herself.

She could be moved into military quarters without him, and get a restraining order against him.  If there is strong evidence that he is a danger to her, she can get him barred from base.  She really needs to get a divorce from him, and ask the Navy to station her elsewhere, and then leave him behind.  I recommend she volunteer for an unaccompanied assignment, where there is a limited duty job she can do at the end of her pregnancy and a good hospital with pre-natal and OB Gyn care.

To get a divorce, she must file the separation and divorce application for the state that she is in, the state in which they married, or the state which is her home of record.  I recommend using the state that gives the woman the most protection in the proceedings.  However, since she is currently subject to violence, I recommend whichever state gives her the quickest divorce.

Good luck to her.  She needs to understand that his behavior is not her fault, no matter what he tells her.  His behavior is criminal assault and should be stopped.