Expert: Cynthia Bedell - 1/23/2010

Question
Hello!
   My roommate's little sister (we'll call her Jane) is dating this guy who I just found out is abusing her (she came to my house with a black eye). From what she has told me and from my work with battered women this is not the first time just the first time that couldn't be covered up. The fact that he is now hitting her in the face tells me it is to a point where he doesn't care what anyone thinks and he doesn't feel there is a problem with this behavior, meaning this will only get worse. Jane is too scared to leave for fear of what he will do and the police have been no help. So, why am I asking you... He is in the Army if we were to report this to his commanding officer would they be able to do anything?
                     Thank you so much for your Time!

Answer
Dear Samantha --

The Military usually takes domestic violence seriously.  However, not every commander treats it as seriously as other commanders.  It is often an issue because the victim refuses to speak out against her (sometimes his!) abuser, and unless someone else has witnessed an event, there are no charges.

Generally, if we can determine that the Soldier did perpetrate violence (or even the threat of violence) we can remove their liberty and confine them to the barracks while also making them attend anger management classes.  Unfortunately, few violent men learn much from anger management courses, and they generally blame their significant other for the fact they were confined to the barracks.  However, the victim sometimes finds the strength to leave the relationship when they get a long break from having to see their abuser.  Such strength usually includes family and friends that help them move away for an extended period of time.

So, if you have any proof of her abuse, and you are willing to testify to the commanding officer, you should be able to get him away from her for a few weeks at least.  At the same time, she should get a restraining order, so that if he breaks the restraining order the Army can actually courts martial him and send him to jail.  

If she is living with him, or otherwise monetarily dependant upon him, this cycle is going to be very difficult to break.

Good luck to you all. Please write back, if you have additional questions or concerns.