Expert: MARK A. HOWELL - 2/9/2011

Question
I have a dilemma.  Part of me wants to enlist in the Navy to pursue a career as a CTI.  The other part of me wants to stay put in this town and see how life works out.

I'm not totally sold on joining because it seems like I'm missing information.  When I imagine what my life would be on a day to day basis, pieces are missing, it's hard to see it being one way or the other.

However, should my friend decide to enlist with me, that would probably seal the deal.  I'm just not so sure if he's even eligible.

We've been friends since highschool.  I turn 24 this fall and he turns 21 this summer.  What I'm afraid of happening is this: I enlist, spend 9 months or so waiting to go off to basic, I say goodbye to everyone only to return for 30 days total each year.  I'm guessing I'm going to lose touch with a few acquaintances that weren't really friends, because this sort of thing really puts strain on those flimsy relationships, but it can also damage strong ones no matter how hard to you try to make them work.  I'm okay with separation from family, although I'm not stoked about watching my mother enter her 50s while I'm somewhere else in the world.  I'm not okay with losing my best friend of 7+ years for something that I don't know I'll actually be satisfied with (and something I'll need to commit 4 years of my life to)

But... on the other hand, there are so many pluses when you consider joining.  Secure lifestyle, a sense of community, being productive with my days, and traveling to places I haven't been to sounds pretty cool, too.  

So as you can see I'm a bit on the fence about this.

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brief version: My best friend has multiple arrests on his record.  He used to be a drug addict and is currently attending an out-patient rehab clinic.  He just recently completed a 90 day stint in the county jail and I think most of his legal trouble has been drug related, there is also a lot of BS with his ex-girlfriend pulling b&e's (I'm not sure how involved he is)
He knows I have been digesting this military idea for a while, and has expressed interest in joining on the condition we can join together using the buddy system.
I'm not sure how forgiving the decision makers are when it comes to a case like his, but I'm hoping since he has no felonies and is completing rehab voluntarily that perhaps he can join.  Also, would the person he's joining with be able to help (or condemn?) him?  I'm squeaky clean, other than a traffic ticket last January (which I paid off) and an overdue cell phone bill.

Thanks in advance

Cory

Answer
Cory,

It sounds doubtful your friend may be eligible to join any Branch, definitely not the Marines.  They will NOT grant waivers for any drug-related issues...period.

I know it sounds cruel and unjust, but you need to distance yourself from him ASAP.  You can do nothing much to help him, and he can only hurt you.  The old guilt by association thing.  Besides, what if he gets straightened out and takes a job on the other side of the country from you?  Or, what if he doesn't straighten out and ends up in prison?  Either way you'll be separated.  You just can't afford to let him drag you down with himself, plain and simple.

I speak from experience on this one.  My best friend, from grade 1 thru grade 12, got married after high school and moved away.  I went to college and I'm now wrapping up a very successful 30 year military career, while he's on wife #3 after spending 10 years in prison for drugs.  We remained friends and kept in touch the whole time (and still do), nothing will ever change that.  We've both made lots of friends over the years and lived our own lifestyles.  At some point it's pretty much inevitable.

When you join under the Buddy System, the military will only guarantee that you'll attend Basic Training together, and if you two make it through and graduate at the same time, they'll send you to A Tech School together to learn your new career.  After that, there's no guarantees.  If you do end up in the same career field and on the same base, it will be sheer luck, like winning the lottery.

If you two are in different careers, you won't be at the same base for training, and almost no possible way for you guys to be together afterwards.  And even if you do have it written into your contracts, your assignments are based upon the needs of the military and they will and send you wherever they need you.

I can't come out and say that you won't ever see each other again.  I've often run into people I've gone through training with and haven't seen in years.  A friend I made in Basic Training was stationed on the same base with me 3 times out of my 15 assignments, so it can happen, but I definitely wouldn't count on it.

So, out of a 4 year enlistment, you'll probably be together for less than one year.

You sound like a pretty smart fellow, weighing all your options, and you've got the "Plus-Side" figured out.  I'm not a recruiter, so far be it from me to tell you what to do, that's something you'll have to decide for yourself.  In my opinion, and it's just that...my opinion, you can't go wrong in any Branch of the military.  Of course opinions are like noses...everybody's got one.

I hope you make an intelligent decision.
Colonel H

PS.  Pay your phone bill!