Expert: Loren Stevens - 8/25/2004

Question
I am a 26-year-old male who lives in NYC (Brooklyn).  I am currently a candidate for the NYPD and should be going into the academy January of 2005.  I have been with someone for 5 years now and the relationship is a serious one.  I only made this career change from media and marketing analyst to Civil servant in April of 2003 when I decided to go into law enforcement. Obviously I was a different person then, have the white collar, 9-5 (8-8 on bad days) lifestyle with weekends off at least 48 weeks out of the year.

My question:  My girlfriend and I had planned to get married when she was done with grad school, but now that I am definitely going into the NYPD, she is having second thoughts.  She loves me dearly but does not know if she could deal with the “constant” worry and the “horrible” shifts that could take me away on major holidays and family occasions.  Is the lifestyle of a police officer with a PD of 39,000 officers that bad or is she just over reacting?  I want to tell her that It's not as bad as she thinks and I would be home just as much as a VP of a Marketing firm would be, maybe even more because of the flexibility in first responder careers like police and fire.  What is your advice and what is it really like to be a Cop and a father/husband.  Can it work for women like mine who has these fears?

Thank you very much,
Dean  

Answer
Hey Dean,
You need a wife with enhanced coping skills in "copland"
As a rookie, you can count on the lousy shifts (usually graveyard watch) you can also count on the worst days off, probably Tues/Wed. And, you can count on a terrible vacation schedule, Maybe Nov or Feb. That should come as no surprise. Why should a veteran have those things, when they've already been through those hoops? So, it is generally a SENIORITY deal. The longer you are on, the beter oprtunity to petition for better "bennies"
A whole different consideration, is where/how you spend your post-rookie career. At some juncture, you'll be eligible for consideration to Investigations, Rescue, Traffic et al.Much of what you seek, in terms of "normalcy" in great measure, will be dependant on where you spend larger chunks of your career. Example: If you work the murders, you have to respond when the bell rings. The witnesses, and crime scene need to be dealt with sooner, not later. Narc and Vice is a whole other world, and also requires much "callout" beyond regular shift hours.
NYPD is about like the Army, with what...35k officers?
With that, there will be an abundance of various fields and subfields to lean towards after you get some whiskers. Many of these assignments, are lined up with usual hours of the DA and courts. You'll get a feel for what you want to do in your first couple of years. During those first couple years, concentrate TOTALLY on you patrol gig, and learn a BUNCH!
I have been married to the same gal for 37 years, and yes, she made ALOT of adjustments, as did our children. Now, either your feelings are strong enough as a couple to hack it, or they aren't. C'mon man, it aint quantum physics. Even if you love police work, and do well at it, don't get confused that it is a MEANS, not an END.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but it is all quite simple as I see it.
Police work also has a high devorice rate, for a variety of reasons. You may want to read up on some of the research on that note, as it may be helpful.
Now, the "worry" issue, is the least of considerations in my view. There are more Firefighters thaT get hurt than a cop, more clerks in a mart get hurt, more coal miners, ad nauseam. Sure, there is risk. Even great cops who do it all right get killed, or take some hits and leak for a while. That, is not unlike a military troop. You can reduce the risk exposure with preperation, study, etc but the reality is, you are a hired gun for the city and it's people. You are hired, to go out looking for trouble...and handle it.
I'm not much into "officer-nice" that hands out coloring books to kids all day. I'm talking about REAL cops, that work the street, and all the jerks between the curb lines. In uniform, there is no being descrete. You are about as out front as it gets. That's the job.
Based on what you have written, I would pause on your marital plans, until you are both real sure. It ain't about the "risks" my friend, it's about the working hours. Also, when you work nights, and WORK, you'll get subpoenas for court on the folks you bust. Courts are usually at DAY TIMES. So, there again, don't just factor in you regular hours to this formulla, you'll be adding more.
I don't do "Dear Abby", but you are heading to making a choice, and your gal already knows it...and also knows that you don't.
Well, I've probably pissed you off already.
Bottom line
How bad do you want to be a cop? Do you really understand police work as a career choice. And do you have the right girl?
Good luck, you'll figure it out, or it will be figured out for you.hahahahahah
loren