Expert: Jack Toomey - 6/19/2007

Question
Hey there -

My boyfriend and I have been together for about four years now.  To give you a brief background, he began in the academy, and then had to drop out halfway in, in order to take care of his sick father.  His father died in 2004, and he spent the next 2-3 years doing personal security, bouncing, personal training, and tai-chi work.  I live in and attend college in NY - he lives and works in FL.  

When we spoke today, he mentioned the possibility of going back to the police academy, finishing his training, and becoming a police officer.  This would enable us to finally be together - he could work, then transfer to near me and we could get married, etc.  I had to explain to him that I have about another 5 years of school, with the possibility of traveling around the world through it (I'm a biology undergraduate major, with plans on conservation biology/ecology graduate school to a Masters or PhD).  Anyway, my question is the following:

How does being in a relationship with a police officer affect the relationship stability?  

I realize now that living with the worry won't be a problem - he will, sometimes, go days, weekends, or weeks without calling because he's busy or his bouncing job has taken him into the Florida Keys without cell phone service, etc.  He's been stabbed, injured, etc, hundreds of times since I've been with him.

I'm more concerned about average hours, job happiness, salary, benefits.  Our eventual goal would be for a county or rural sheriff job - I don't want him in a city anymore than he wants to be in one.  

I know that he would give up this idea of becoming a police officer if I asked him - but I don't want to force him to settle for less.  Becoming a police officer will give him a chance to hone his skills in a productive manner, and he enjoys helping people as much as I do.  I just want to make sure that what we decide - together - will provide a high quality of life and happiness for us both.

Let me know, and thanks!

Answer
Sam,

   The way that I read your message is that your boyfriend intends to go back to some police academy and begin police work.  How do you know that they will allow him to go back to the police academy?  Police departments are pretty fickle about that and they might want to do another complete entry level investigation on him which would include a background investigation, etc, which could take months if not a year.

   You mentioned that his intention was to transfer to an area near you.  If he does get a job as a police officer in Florida I would not mention to anyone that I was intending to pick up and move.  Police departments spend a great deal to train a new recruit and some make new officers sign contracts that they will not leave because of that very reason.  Some people think that police departments are like the military where you can just transfer around the country. It is not that way and when you move to another part of the country the new department that you are interested in makes you go through the hiring process and depending on the state you most likely would have to go through a new police academy or at least an abbreviated one.  For example on my old department we did have a few officers from Washington, DC who wanted a slower pace so they applied to our department and then found themselves going through a twenty-six week police academy even though they were ten year veterans.

   You should know that there is a very high divorce rate among police officers.  It is caused (I think) because the other half is not used to the varying shift work, the syndrome where the officer keeps everything inside and does not talk about the job when the other half is interested in hearing about it.  There is also the temptation of the amount of women that a male police officer meets while on the street.  These are just some of the things that cause stress and tension in the home.

  I hope that I have answered your question but if not please feel free to ask more.