Expert: Cathy Clamp - 12/28/2007

Question
Hello,

Since I was very young I have enjoyed writing. I even won some awards for it now and then. In high school my various writing teachers encouraged me and said that I had a promising future as a writer if I kept it up and progressed at the rate I was going. I envisioned myself as a, if not famous writer, at least one that could make a decent living at it by doing what I loved and getting paid for it.

Then I got married...my husband discouraged my writing almost from day one. He said I shouldn't waste my time on such useless endeavors unless it was going to pay the bills etc. Eventually I gave up on writing...I haven't written anything of significance in a very long time. One year ago I divorced my husband and got control of my life back...and the inner fire I feel for writing has started to come back. I am constantly writing about anything and everything...but its all up in my head. I actually have two complete stories locked in my head that just need putting down on paper...but I cant seem to take that step and put them there. I'm not saying that I have the next top ten bestseller hidden away in there but it seriously upsets me that I cant ....just....begin. I want to write...I burn to write...I best express myself when I let the words just come out how they may...and yet I am completely blocked about this. My husband is no longer here discouraging me...nothing is stopping me but myself. I can sit at the computer...type away like mad for half an hour...then as soon as I come up for air...I hit the delete button...then get totally upset with myself later when I wish I hadn't. Any words of advice for me? I suppose you will say...just suck it up and write...but if I could do that I wouldn't be here asking for advice. I'm waiting to hear from you.

Answer
Hi, Lee Ann!

I have to confess that what you're going through is something I see every day. Not me personally, but my co-author has this very thing happen. No matter how many awards we win, how many bestseller lists we hit, there's a point during every book that she looks at the screen and is tempted to delete the whole thing, as "dreck."

Since you asked for advice, I hope you don't mind a bit of psychoanalyzing as to the *reason* for the problem. Sometimes, seeing the potential cause can somewhat lessen the impact when it happens. I should add that her situation was very similar to yours, but instead of a husband, it was other family members. Same effect, though.

Okay, what we discovered shortly before we first started partnering on books was that she had a lethal combination of 1) a fear of failure; and 2) a fear of success. Weird combination, huh? But here's how it works: If she started to write and it turned out she wasn't any good, then it totally validated every bad thing her family had said about her for so many years. Subconsciously, she feared letting others look at the writing because she didn't WANT to believe bad things about herself. But, on the other hand, if she SUCCEEDED and it turned out she was a *great* writer, then why in the heck did she wait so long to start? She would start to pick at herself with each success we achieved, berating herself for listening for so long, when she could have been so much further along in the career. See the double-edged sword? Can't go forward, can't go backward. Stuck in one place...deleting things.

Here's my best advice:

The past stops NOW. You are hereby tapped on each shoulder with a honking big sword and it's proclaimed to the universe that you GET to succeed at writing. You GET to fail at writing. It doesn't define you as a person. YOU DEFINE IT! Nothing is dreck that comes out of your fingers, because it's part of YOU on that page.

However, until you can make that break from attaching it to the emotions, you need to take some (very simple) steps to keep from defeating yourself.

1.  First, save your work BOTH to your hard drive AND to a floppy, flash drive or CD. Or heck, to all three! Then, you *give* that item to someone you trust---someone in your life who cheers you on, whether a best friend, a grown child or even an old high school buddy. Ask them to keep it safe. Make them promise NOT to throw it away or return it to you when you're feeling down. Then, forget they have it.

2.  Once a month, you probably do something as habit. Whether it's giving heartworm pills to a dog, flea drops to a cat, or getting your hair trimmed or your nails done. On that same day, give yourself a "my turn" day. On that day, you copy everything you've written onto the drive or CD and you tuck it away. It's just for you, not for a single other person. There's no fear attached to it, no pass/fail grade you have to get. It's just something fun for you. Then give that copy away too. Out of sight, out of mind.

3.  When you're feeling especially down, have a "step away from the keyboard" moment. Don't give in to the desire to throw away the work. Instead, use that as an impetitus to dust, or go for a walk or even vacuum the bed. Anything to get past the moment.

I wish I could tell you it'll go away tomorrow, but it takes longer than that. It might take years. But know that it CAN be gotten past, and you CAN continue to write productively while you fight through it. It sounds like it's important enough you want to try, and I and my wonderful co-author are living proof that a career can begin at any time. Whether you're in your 20s, 30s, 40s or beyond, I can give you examples of writers who haven't started until that moment and have gone on to have meaningful careers.

Remember . . . the past stops NOW. Today starts a whole new chapter. :)

Good luck, and feel free to ask any other questions.

Cathy