Expert: Dear Tabbi - 10/23/2008

Question
I know I see this question come up a lot all over the internet, but I didn't see anything that, while similar, was quite like my situation.

I had three cats, all tabbies, two boys and a girl. My boys were a couple years older and brothers who were born and raised in my house. My girl was born under my house, and was the only one I could rescue once the others were killed by tomcats. They got along well and there was never a problem. Then about 3 years ago, my old boy was injured badly and had to be put down. Ever since then, I've tried to put thoughts of getting a new cat out of my head.

But about a month ago, I rescued a new kitten (also a tabby) that was born under our house (the first time since my girl was born there). Her mother abandoned her, her siblings moved on, and she remained. She was four months then, and with the weather getting colder, she was begging to be let in my house. In a way, she adopted us and wouldn't accept anyone else. I looked up a lot of information on introducing a new cat, and I did my best to follow it.

Unfortunately, this is where the problem becomes unusual to all the other cases I've seen online. My old male (he's 10 this year) not only readilly accepts her, but it makes him become a kitten again. My younger female (8 years old), however, just can not stand the newcomer at all. My female is tolerable and still enjoys being around the male, but when the kitten comes around, the male suddenly gets young again and goes to play with it, while the female just glares and reacts negatively when the kitten gets too close.

She refuses to come into my room anymore, and becomes quite upset if brought in here, to the point where she will scratch and bite to be let down. But the moment she is back in her room where she spent her days being introduced to my boys, she returns to the loveable little ball of fluff she always had been before.

We're going to get the kitten spayed/neutered soon, and my family hopes that will ease up some of the hostilities. We've already tried removing the scent of the kitten around the house, and even in my room, but the female just continues to act like this. She doesn't have any other problem, just this behavioural issue.

I've seen various answers to the normal situation, but what would be advisable in this one? The same things? Or is there something else I can do? My other cats only respond affectionately towards me, my mother, and my fiancee. The kitten only responds affectionately towards me, is hesitant around my mother, and flees from anyone else. I am afraid if I put the kitten up for adoption she won't warm up to anyone else.

Please help me if you can. I'm at my wit's end. I've kept cats for over 20 years and never encountered this before.

Answer
Jorel,

It is going to take time and patience. Most older cats do NOT like like kittens. It could be their smell, their size, or their energy level. It's great that your male does! Some cats are anal about kittens and freak out. You may have to wait until the kitten is grown for the female to accept it. Don't try to force it, it won't help.

I have 2 cats (out of a 'few'), both black and white, that would go balistic when they are near kittens. I have a rescued mother and kittens and once the one cat saw them in the house he freaked. He wanted out! I've brought him in and the minute I carry him in the door he starts growling and hissing, and fighting me, even though he can't see them...he knows there are kittens there. I put him in the bedroom and he is fine with me and will go to sleep. But if any of my other cats he sleeps with when he is outside, comes in the bedroom he starts up his growling and hissing again.

I had the other one (he recently passed away) move to a neighbor's house, that didn't have any cats, until the kittens I had then had grown up. He would come home once in a while, see I still had kittens, growl and hiss and leave. Then one day he came back when he decided that the kittens weren't kittens anymore and stayed, and was fine. I didn't have kittens around again until recently.

A feral cat or kitten will usually only bond to one person. That is normally the person that feeds him. He will usually remain skittish with others permanently.

It is going to take time, patience, and love to work this out. Let the female be where she wants to be. She may or may not get used to the kitten. The older the cat is, the less they are able to accept change and stress, and may develop behavior, emotional, or physical problems. At least you can hope for acceptance by the female at some point.

Tabbi