Expert: Dear Tabbi - 5/24/2008

Question
I got two adult cats male and female. Female rules the house. She keeping male from me. She has him pind up in a hinding place. She wants me all to self. Male is very shy and stand off's. I have had them two weeks. Would like to keep both. They came as paire. There about ten years old.

Answer
Tad,

Two weeks is not very long for for cats to get used to you, the home, etc. Especially if they are older cats. Older cats don't adapt as fast or deal with the stresses involved as well as a younger cat.
You probably don't know the experiences the cats have had so you need to be patient with them. It could take a month or two for the cats to settle into their new home and bond with each other.

One cat will most likely be the dominant cat, and the other cat usually accepts that. It sounds as if your female was chosen as head of the pecking order. Are they actually fighting? Is the male showing fear? or is she just being bossy?

Every so often it would be good to put her in a room for awhile by herself then spend some quaity time with the male. Don't try to force him to be friendly. He will come out and be friendly when he is ready and feels comfortable. Just talk to him and offer him some tasty cat treats. Don't pet him until he learns to trust you and comes to you for affection. Then spend qualtiy time with her. THEN spend quality time with both of them together giving them treats and playing with them. Always talk softly and gently to them.

To make the cats more relaxed in their new home you can get what is called Feliway. (Or Comfort Zone with Feliway). It is a spray (and you can get plug-ins) (try PetSmart, a vet office (they use it too), or on-line). In Europe I think it is call Feli-Friend. It is very popular and is great for calming cats and reducing stress. It copies the relaxing pheromones that cats produce from rubbing their faces on things.

There is also a calming product that you can add to their food or water that reduces anxiety called Bach's Rescue Remedy. It is available on-line and in health food stores. Here is a link about it: (copy and paste, or type the whole links into your address bar)
http://www.bachflower.com/Pets.htm

Feed both cats yummy cat treats (like tuna, sardines in Oil, pieces of raw steak, etc.) TOGETHER. That is so the cats will associate each other with something pleasant.

Also getting a pet laser light (at PetSmart, etc.) is great for interaction between the two cats. They both can chase the 'little red bug' on the floor, ceilings, and walls, and they tend to forget about the other cat as they focus on the 'bug' which helps them get used to each other. It also helps build their confidence and helps them bond to you.

I hope this helps. Don't rush it and everything will work out fine.

Tabbi