Expert: Dear Tabbi - 11/13/2009

Question
Dear Tabbie ,I have two feral cats. 5 months and seven months. 30 days later they do get along now.The 5 month old from the day I got him he was the more affectionate of the two. I could hold and pet him. Last week he became sick with a bacterial stomach colitis. Needs meds everyday along with an eye ointment everyday for an eye infection. Since this problem he will not let me hold or pet him. When I sit next to him he moves away. He also, use to sleep on my bed at night.Now for about an hour in the night he lays next to me. Tonight, when I went to him to pet him without holding him he got up and moved away form me.I'm crushed. It seem as thought he just doesnt like me anymore. Any suggestion would be appreciated. Thank you  

Answer
Angie,

Don't be upset, it's not you, it is typical feral behavior. The cat also associates you with something unpleasant (medicine) and that does not help. Give him time. He will become more affectionate again. You just have to regain his trust again which will take time.

Ferals have an inherited distrust of humans and it take a long time to gain their trust. Ferals are NOT like domesticated cats and will not behave like one. Ferals take special understanding and LOTS of patience.

Ferals CAN become affectionate and loving, but it takes a LONG time for them to reach that point. And it takes a lot of time, patience, and love. And when they do reach that point when they are affectionate and loving (if they do), they normally still do not like to be held, restrained, and barely even petted. There is a human distrust that is inherited and inbred into them. They will never be like a typical domesticated housecat, but they can follow you around, rub against your legs, and lay next to you happily. Getting ferals kittens you have a better chance for a friendly kitty, but even then they still carry the feral behavior with them. Of course there are exceptions, but that is the standard behavior for ferals. Their behavior can be modified, but they will retain their basic personality and behaviors.  Accepting their behavior traits will make for happier cats. They also usually only bond with one person (their caregiver). And will normally remain skittish and frightened of strangers, noises, and sudden movements.

I have 3 ferals that I have had since birth. They are still skittish, don't like to be held/restrained, and run and hide if something scares them (which a lot of things do!). I have one that no one has ever seen because at the first sign of a noise or a person she is under the bed for hours! One will not let me pet her...unless she has a toy in her mouth! Go figure! I understand that that is how they are, how they WILL be. You can't force them to be sociable. Some will be more so than others, depending on their level of trust.

To protect yourself from bites or scratches you need to watch the feral closely. They will give you warnings when they have had enough petting or touching. Ears will pin back, they may growl, but the main sign is their tail. If it starts twitching or swishing back and forth, the time to stop petting them is....NOW! When you have a feral that doesn't like to be touched....don't. Respect how the cat is and accept it. Biting and scratching is a reflex action for protection. Pet them from behind the head. Coming at them with your hand from the front is a recipe for claws coming out or being bit. They react instinctively.

They are also very sensitive, so do not yell at them and never hit them! You can undo any trust you have built up. They react well to the tone of your voice.

They will play and act goofy at times because they need to burn up energy. They are natural hunters and enjoy being able to do it. Attacking a foot because it moves is one way. They are happiest being able to be an indoor/outdoor cats. If you keep them inside all the time then you need to satisfy that hunting urge inside to keep them mentally well-balanced. Giving them a raw beef rib bone (I have the butcher cut them in half) satisfies the "fresh kill'. Plus the fibers help clean their teeth. They should have stuffed toy mice you can throw so they can chase it and "catch" it and bat it around. A pet laser light is great for letting them try to catch the "little red bug" on the walls, floors, and ceilings. Mine love little sparkly craft balls that you can get in a package at Wal-Mart or a crafts store. Putting a couple of ping pong balls in the bathtub (plug the drain or they will get stuck) is something else they like.

They don't have a problem with bonding with other animals, like cats and dogs. They trust them, it's humans they don't, so they are happy to have another cat/kitten to rub against and be 'friends' with.

Cats can have kittens from each tomcat that bred them during their heat cycle so kittens, even from the same litter, may have different fathers so they may have different temperaments, behavior, and personalities.

There is a calming aid that you can put in your the kitten's water that is very popular called Bach's Rescue remedy. You can get it at a health food store (people use it too) or on-line. It calms a cat using natural ingredients and people swear by it. More information can be found at these websites: (copy and paste, or type, the whole links into your address bar)

http://www.bachflower.com/Pets.htm
http://www.nelsonbach.com/BFE_for_pets.html
http://www.petsynergy.com/flower.html
http://www.oes.org/page1/Bach-Rescue-Remedy.html

Here is a link that has a good 4-part article on ferals that should also be of help to you, though it might contain some of the same information.
(copy and paste, or type, the whole link into your address bar)

http://petplacestation.com/articles/?s=jacobi&paged=2

Remember too, that food is one key to ferals bonding with you. Give special treats of tuna or tinned sardines in oil. That is so they learn to associate you with something pleasant and not negative. The other keys are time AND patience...lots of it! And If not done already, spaying is also important and helps the behavior.

I hope this helps you understand your kittens a little better.

Tabbi