Expert: Fr. Timothy Johnson - 1/31/2008

Question
Fr. Johnson,

I'm a Catholic who is active who is engaged to a women who was baptized in the catholic church, received the sacraments of Holy Communion and Reconciliation but has been going to her Dad's church for the past 15 years (out of 27) which is UCC and was confirmed there.  We originally agreed to get married in the Catholic church because it is the common bond between us and we have decided to raise our children (God willing) in the Catholic church.  Her Dad is really giving her grief and guilt on the situation and has made comments like, "I will not walk you down the isle if it is in a Catholic church."  For the most part I believe his is a person with a controlling nature.  She is now telling me that she wants to get married in her church.  Now I know that we can do that as long as a Catholic priest is present, but I really am having a hard time with this since I really know she is changing her mind because of her Dad's view.  We have never fought before and get along great and I love her.  I need advice.  We are now thinking that we should choose a noutral ground to get married on.  But I know that, as a Catholic, we can't get married in a park or whereever.  Do you have any suggestions.  I really don't want to "give in" to her Dad cause I know that will cause a big issue with our relationship.  I'm a person who turns the cheek but I feel that he shouldn't be involved with this as it is me and my fiance's wedding.  

Thanks,
Jeff

Answer
Hi, Jeff:

Thanks for the questions, and here is my analysis.
I think that both you and your fiancee need to stand up for the Catholic Faith, regardless of the negative hatefulness and controlling attitudes of the non-Catholics in the scene, especially her father.  I had to put my Faith FIRST and value it, regardless of the cost both when I became a Catholic later in life, and when I became a Priest in the Catholic Church; and believe me, I received plenty of guff from the intolerance of certain family members...
By the way, your fiancee's "Confirmation" in the UCC is not the true Sacrament it is in the Catholic Church, so it is really a non-issue.
She needs to get to an RCIA Class at a solid and good Catholic Church Community, and become a "revert" to the Catholic Faith, and get everything in order, and get confirmed, and then married in the Catholic Church so that you can both practice the Catholic Faith and raise the children Catholic.
Stop "pussy-footing" around about the matter...Haven't you ever read the Gospels, and the words of Jesus: "Whoever loves father, sister, mother, or brother more than me is not worthy of me..."; or the final Beatitude in the Sermon on the Mount: "Blessed are you when they persecute you, revile you, and utter every kind of slander against you for my name's sake..."
There is more than "marriage" issues at stake here.  This matter goes deep to the fundamentals of the reception or rejection of the Holy Catholic Faith.
If your fiancee persists in her formal departure from the Catholic Church, then there are "lawful" courses of action that can be taken for a marriage that will allow you, as a practicing Catholic, to remain in good standing with the Church; but, wow!  What a situation to be married to somebody whose family will always persecute you for your Catholic Faith, and intimidate you and your wife...
You need to consider all the implications of these things before you go jumping off into something that could cause you life-long misery, and potentially undercut the whole marriage.  How sad if you cannot be of service to one another in a marriage where you can give one another strength and support in sharing the Catholic Faith.

Fr. Timothy Johnson