Expert: Fr. Timothy Johnson - 10/24/2008

Question
QUESTION: Hello Fr. Johnson,

Being married in the Catholic Church is very important for my fiance and I (both Catholic, never married). Unfortunately due to our current finances and immigration/citizenship issues(He is from Canada)we are contemplating going to city hall. But we hope to still be married in the Catholic church in two years, is this possible?

Currently, we are living in different cities b/c of work and school, but we will be moving to the same city soon. Since we will be moving, I do not know the priest at the Catholic Church where we are moving. So I am not certain how to approach the priest at the church we do not attend yet to find out whether we could marry in the Catholic Church.

Thank you:)



ANSWER: Hi, Gabriella:
Thanks for the question.
The Psalms ask: "Who can pay to God the price of his soul?"
If I am understanding the question correctly, you are contemplating a marriage at city hall because yuo want to have enough money to afford a big, fancy Catholic wedding ceremony.  Why wait two years to get married in the Catholic Church, when all you have to do is go and do your marriage prep right now with the Priest, and then have a simple ceremony in order to observe Canonical Form: that is, a Catholic liturgical rite, carried out by a Priest or Deacon in a Catholic Church building, in the presence of two witnesses?

Take heart - don't be shy... approach the Priest at the Church, and tell him your circumstances.  Nobody is required to have a full, fancy ceremony costing thousands of dollars; all that is necessary is to go through the proper procedure for you as Catholics to get married "under and by the authority of the Catholic Church", which is what "observing canonical form" and "getting married in the Catholic Church" is all about anyway.

The salvation of your souls is very important to me, and no amount of waiting for a fancy, expensive ceremony is worth your going off to live in mortal sin for two years while you wait to make it right later.  Any Priest ought to think that the salvation of souls is the most important value.
If I were the Priest, I would offer to get your marriage prep and paperwork all done with you, and then allow you to come to the Church when possible for a very simple ceremony which would require nothing more than wearing nice Sunday best clothing, having the two witnesses, and some guests who care about your Catholic Faith and the fact that you are "doing the right thing", and would not care how fancy or expensive the wedding ceremony is.  I am definitely going to remember you at Mass and offer a Rosary for you.

Fr. Timothy Johnson

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hello Fr. Johnson,

I apologize, I did not explain what I meant by the "financial" situation. We actually want to have a very small wedding, that my fiancee and I plan to paying for ourselves. I'm actually opposed to big fancy weddings. The idea of actually putting off marrying in the Catholic church for a fancy wedding makes me cringe. My concern is my parents and family live in another country and cannot attend now b/c they are facing a very difficult financial situation b/c of health issues. Having my parents at the wedding means a lot to me and I wanted to save up so I could pay for their airfare. Due to my student loans it will take me about two years to save for their airfare. Unfortunately, paying for their air fare on credit is not an option.

We contemplated marrying in a Catholic Church where my family is located but this would cause a longer wait time (possibly a year) for my fiance to get a proper documentation to be able to work in the US. Not being able to share this important event with the people who love me and have raised me in the Catholic Church brings me to tears. But at the same time my fiancee needs to receive his work authorization in a timely manner otherwise we will have very serious financial problems as well. This is why we contemplated going to City Hall so the paper processing on his end can begin.

Since this is not a matter of me wanting to save for a big and fancy wedding, but wanting to be able to share this with my parents...would marrying in the Catholic Church after (if we go to city hall) be allowed in the Catholic Church?

Through my research I have found that the Catholic Church does not recognize a Civil Ceremony. To be quite honest, in our hearts my finance and I both feel we would not be married either and strongly agreed to maintain our abstinence vows until we are married in the church.

I will approach the Priest as you suggested and explain the situation.  

Thank you for your time Father Johnson.

Gabriella

Answer
Hi, and thanks for the follow up:

You are correct that the Catholic Church does not recognize a purely civil marriage between two Catholics as valid and sacramental.  I cannot in good conscience recommend that you take such a step.  If you were to do so, you would need to present yourselves at a later date, over one year, to a Priest for marriage prep and arrange a lawful Catholic Marriage.
I would not say that the desire merely to have parents or other family present at the ceremony constitutes sufficient enough reason any more than financial matters to do what you purpose.  You mention that you have "abstinence vows."  Really?  Do you plan to live in separate homes after a merely civil marriage?  The problem of scandal arises in the scenario you describe because people will generally presume "consummation" of the civil marriage, in spite of any protests to the contrary.
You will need to weigh your situation with personal counsel from the local Parish Priest, remembering that you have an obligation to avoid scandal and even the appearance of evil.  I wish you the very best in maintaining your integrity as faithful Catholics.

Fr. Timothy Johnson