Expert: Fr. Timothy Johnson - 2/29/2008

Question
QUESTION: I have a three part question, but even if you are only able to give me a partial answer, that would be a big help.

I have an aunt who, as best as I can tell, had sex outside of marriage exactly once, and as a result, conceived. She gave birth to a little boy, who was raised by her older sister as that sister's own child.

All this happened years and years ago -- that little boy is now 40 some years old. Most of my family will not discuss it at all, except for the handful that insist the whole thing is a giant ball of sin, period, end of discussion.

Please help me understand what sins my aunt has committed by having sex, giving up her child, not going to confession and continuing to take communion. I want to understand the situation clearly, without the emotion and anger that comes up when my family discusses it, the better to pray for her and to know how best to help her repair her past mistakes.

I am asking you specifically because my aunt and her siblings are all pre-Vatican II Catholics, and they make references to a lot of things I don't understand. Also, because I am certain my parents would be furious if they found out I talked to our parish priest about all of this.

Thanks for your assistance -- it is much appreciated!

ANSWER: Hi, Kate:
Thanks for the questions - I will answer as best I can...
Hmmmm . . . for starters, there is no such thing as a pre-Vatican II Catholic in terms of teaching and doctrine, except that there are people who in hostorical terms were born before, during, and after the event of the Second Vatican Council.
Maybe you do not have all the facts: Clearly she must have had sex to conceive and bear a child - this is true;
But do you actually KNOW, or has your Aunt specifically declared that she did not, will not, and never intends to celebrate the Sacrament of Penance?
I don't know whether giving up a child essentially for adoption is a "bad thing", provided that a greater good could be obtained for the welfare of the child having it raised in another environment.
All that I can say is that if a person is guilty of grave sin, generically speaking, he/she ought to make a good confession, receive absolution, and be able to continue in the Life of Grace with the nourishment of the Holy Eucharist.
It seems to me that all of this is in the past, and needs to be left in the past.  We can all only hope that your Aunt has been willing to do all that she can to lead the life of a devout, practicing Catholic.

Fr. Timothy Johnson

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks for your answer! I already feel like things are much clearer.

From what I can gather, my aunt refused to go to confession when she got pregnant. Initially, she even tried to stop attending Mass and taking Communion, but apparently her parents guilted her into it.

My aunt is a good person and getting up there in age. I get the feeling she would like to go back to the church, but there's no one in my family saying that she could be forgiven. Just people who won't talk about it (my mom), and people like her brother (my uncle) who bring up all this stuff about mortal sins, and not being in a state of grace, and abominations.

If you have any more light to shed on what it means to take Communion without confessing one's sins, I would welcome your thoughts. My parents and I belong to a very liberal church, and my religious training has been pretty unstructured, so I can't make heads or tails of this situation.

Answer
Hi, Kate:

From the hazy descriptions you give here, it is difficult to get righ to the bottom line.  In "reading between the lines", so to speak, the picture you seem to paint of your Aunt is that she has some kind of handicap or mental limitations?
I am very happy to hear that she would like to go back to the Church, and I hope that you would encourage her in that regard...
Of course she CAN be forgiven: she need only go and celebrate the Sacrament of Penance, make a good confession, and get reconciled to God and the Church.
Is there something you are not telling me?  I mean, does she have the ability to make free-choices, and just decide to go to Church and to Confession?  Do your Mom and Uncle physically have control over her, and prevent her from being able to do anything?
I hope with all your Uncle's talk about mortal sins, state-of-grace, and other such things stand always as an inspiration to him to take care with his own soul, and be certain to be free of mortal sins, and in a state-of-grace by making good and frequent Confession.
If you belong to a Catholic Church, then any Catholic Church ought to be teaching and encouraging regular celebration of the Sacrament of Penance.  It simply stands as the constant teaching of the Church that we must always examine ourselves, and make proper preparation for the reception of Holy Communion.  A basic listing of the primary or main mortal sins ought to be a part of just about any good Catholic examination of conscience booklet.  When in the state of mortal sin, one must certainly be reconciled to the Church through a sacramental confession and absolution before approaching for the reception of Holy Communion.  Having some venial sin does not disqualify one from receiving Holy Communion, and one may receive a healing remedy and forgiveness of venial sins thru Holy Communion; but, nevertheless, one ought to make regular Confession every few months at least, even for venial sins and faults.

Fr. Timothy Johnson