Expert: Sal - 3/12/2008

Question
Hello, first of all let me say that I am not a Catholic, I am protestant, but I am married to a Catholic.  I have been reading a lot on here since being married to Catholic trying to learn some of the beliefs of my husband.  I have been a little taken back about the views of the Catholic church on marriage and especially children.  I will give you a little about my story and then you can tell me what you think.  I had been previously married and had two children out of that relationship.  I then divorced and came to meet this wonderful man who happens to be Catholic.  Well, during my pregnancies I had some trouble with some pain on my right side, at that time, we were not sure of what that was and the doctor wrote it off as just "being pregnant".  Okay, the pain then persisted so a few years later, I go to have studies done and it turns out that I have a defect of my liver.  Also come to find out it could have been life threatening condition when I had my children, but thank God, everything worked out, I am fine and they are fine.  Well, I was told my GYN that I could not have anymore children, it was too risky and I needed to have a tubal, as this was the best option to protect my life and the life.  So, my question is, in the Catholics eyes, since we are not having martial relations to just "have children", is this wrong?   I know you are probably going to mention that fact that him marrying me to start with being a Catholic was wrong.  I was just wanting your opinion on this and would greatly appreciate your time.  God Bless You

Answer
Dear Lisa:

It is not wrong for a Catholic to marry a non-Catholic. In fact many Catholics do so. The Catholic should continue to practice his faith. If they should have any children together the Catholic should raise them as Catholics.

The Catholic Church does not teach that sexual relations are only for procreation. Sex has two meanings in Catholic teaching. One is procreative and the other is unitive. By that I mean that one reason for sexual relations is to have children and the other is for husband and wife to bond together to "become one flesh". Both uses of sex are considered appropriate for married couples. The Church does teach that artificial means of birth control (condoms, pills, depo shot, etc.) are sinful. The reason for that is that you are no longer open to the possible transmission of life. The two aspects of sexual relations procreative and unitive cannot be separated. If I'm understanding your situation correctly you have had a tubal and no longer are capable of having children. Having such a procedure because one wants to use it as birth control would be sinful. However, you apparently had this procedure in order to save your life not for birth control. In your case it is not sinful, but was a necessary medical procedure. The Catholic Church makes exceptions for situation such as yours. It is not a sin for you to have sex just for bonding with your husband. It was not you fault that you needed a tubal. So don't worry about the Catholic Church seeing you as being wrong. It does not see you in that way at all.

God Bless You and Your Husband,
Sal