Expert: Griff Ruby - 3/17/2008

Question
I am a catholic woman and was married to an unbaptized man, in the RCC. The marriage was abusive from the start but continued for 30 years. There were no children. (Also, he had REFUSED to sign the document to raise any offspring as Catholic) In the 30th year of the marriage he left for another woman (the 5th woman he had had relations with during the marriage) He requested a divorce and I obtained it. Later I met a wonderful man and we were married 3 years after. My question is, was my 1st marriage truly sanctioned by the laws of the Church and Am I living in sin and am I able to receive the sacraments? (marriage #2 is a civil marriage done in a courthouse by a Justice of the peace. I await your answer. Thank you so much.........Linda

Answer
Presently, you are in an irregular situation, and in such a situation you should either refrain from exercising your marriage rights (if hubby #2 is amenable to that) or else do not receive the sacraments until the situation can be resolved.  But the latter situation would still be sinful; you just would not be adding the sin of sacrilegious reception of sacraments to the sin of adultery.
However, there might be some way for the first to be annulled or even a rare instance of a "Catholic divorce" (Pauline privilege).  Whether for sure either of these possibilities would apply to you is not clear from the limited information given here, for I cannot get a clear picture of events.
What is not clear to me is what you mean to say that you married him, as an unbaptized man, "in the RCC" and yet he did not sign any document to raise any offspring as Catholic.  If they refuse to sign, the Church is not supposed to marry them, so it isn't clear to me what in the world could have happened there.
You mention that there have been no children, and his not signing might be a moot point if he were committed to never having any children.  If you can find any clear evidence that he really never wanted children nor would accept any if they came along, then you would on that basis have enough for that "marriage" to be annulled, and once the procedure is officially done you would be free to "regularize" your present relationship and make it sanctified.
You say that you are a Catholic, but if by any chance you were not when you married him, and only since did you become a Catholic, and also in this "since" he has left you, then the Pauline privilege would apply to you.
Finally, if the "RCC" conducted the wedding to an unbaptized, then there would have to have been a "dispensation" granted; one can't just do it, and then there would be other ramifications, not only that he must sign the document agreeing to raise the children Catholic, but also the wedding cannot take place in the Church with a Mass but only in some other location (e. g. the Pastor's office) and without a Mass.  You mention nothing about any dispensation.  If there wasn't any then there is clearly enough irregularities to that first "marriage" that there ought to be some grounds to annul it.  If there was one, and especially if it specified that he need not sign the document for how the children are to be raised, then that is a very bad sign that you might then have to wait until #1 is dead before you would be free to marry #2.
How abusive he was or how many times he cheated on you is immaterial as to being canonically free of him and able to marry #2.
Your best bet would be to schedule an appointment with a priest to discuss your situation in detail; I can only give you some general outlines of what possibilities might exist as to what to do from here.