Expert: J.M.J. West - 8/16/2008

Question
THis is a very complex question,and in fact more like an inquiry. I am looking to convert into the Catholic faith, (not novus ordo) me and my husband have been divorced, him once and myself once and annuled once.

The first marriage, he was not a Catholic, and in fact was not really a believer, he claimed he belived in Jesus but did not and was not religious.  He divorced me for adultery. We were young and dumb about everything. My second marriage was annuled by the court because my husband promised me he was not a drug user and I told him I would only marry him if he were not. He was.  More importantly, both weddings, one at home by a Baptist minister and one at the Justice of the Peace carried inside me strong reservations at the time of vows. It was only my present and third marriage and said vows with full conviction and was serious before the Lord. I have not made the best decisions obviously.

My present husband is Protestant also. His previous marriage was abusive by his mentally ill wife and her adultery.

Here we are now. Both spiritually happy in the marriage. We have made some mistakes but love each other very much and want nothing but to join the Catholic Church.

So, you can see our concern.  Niether of us have ever married a Catholic, married in a church, and both married unbelievers.

Can you counsel me on this sensitive subject.  ALso, we both have children from our previous relationships but are not able to have children of our own.

Yikes! we have a mess don't we? Is there any recognition of our marriage and is it possible to get re-married in the Catholic Church?

Answer
Valerie,

Thank you for your question, it is a very complex one and I can only give you guidelines and speculation (I'll point out which is which).  As you know the Church takes wedding vows seriously, and those which are sincerely made between two baptized persons are broken by death alone, for the marriage is sacramental.

That said, it is possible (as you seem aware) to enter into a non-sacramental, natural marriage -  even between two baptized persons.  In which case the marriage may be declared "null" by the church (i.e. a sacramental marriage never happened) and a sacramental marriage may then be permitted to take place, even if the previous civil spouses are still living.  "the most common reasons are insufficiency or inadequacy of judgment (also known as lack of due discretion, due to some factor such as young age, pressure to marry in haste, etc.), psychological incapacity, and absence of a proper intention to have children, be faithful, or remain together until death." (1)

I will try to give guidelines, but what I say is only that - these are matters best discussed with a priest, and then a marriage tribunal.   Please remember that annulments are not automatic or guaranteed, and as such you *ought* to live chastely or else refrain from receiving the Eucharist until the annulment is passed and the civil marriage with your current husband has been blessed by the Church.

YOU WROTE:
"THis is a very complex question,and in fact more like an inquiry. I am looking to convert into the Catholic faith, (not novus ordo) me and my husband have been divorced, him once and myself once and annuled once."

As an aside, there is no such thing as the "novus ordo" Catholic church; how ever many (i.e. most) parishes do use the vernacular rite of the mass.  It is possible to find - especially in the wake of Benedict XVI's motu proprio re-affirming the right to the rite of mass from the 1962 Pope Paul VI version.

That said, I need to understand what you mean by "annulled", I'm guessing you mean civilly, given what you said below.  If not, correct me.  If so, I'll deal with it below.

YOU WROTE:
"The first marriage, he was not a Catholic, and in fact was not really a believer, he claimed he belived in Jesus but did not and was not religious.  He divorced me for adultery. We were young and dumb about everything."

One of the key issues will be whether or not you were both baptized.  Many "believers in Jesus" never get around to entering the church via baptism, and so are lacking that indelible mark which even permits further reception of the sacraments, including the sacrament of marriage.

That said, intent can play a big part in whether or not your marriage is view as null or not.  Adultery alone is not necessarily sufficient grounds for an annulment.  

YOU WROTE:
"My second marriage was annuled by the court because my husband promised me he was not a drug user and I told him I would only marry him if he were not. He was.  "

Annulled by the courts and annulled by the church are not the same thing, though it certainly sounds like this was a marriage in which one or both parties didn't give sufficient consent - but again my judgment call means incredibly little, so don't take my word for it.

YOU WROTE:
"More importantly, both weddings, one at home by a Baptist minister and one at the Justice of the Peace carried inside me strong reservations at the time of vows."

2 points in your favor here are:
-You were baptized catholic and seem to have never officially left the church, therefore you are under obligation to have your marriage convoked/blessed by the church or else it's not generally recognized as sacramental.
-Again, intent is important.  But it's also important to remember that it's easy to look back and say "I'm sure I didn't mean it".  This is a matter, of course, that I can only speculate upon.

YOU WROTE:
"It was only my present and third marriage and said vows with full conviction and was serious before the Lord. I have not made the best decisions obviously."

It is sad that our culture has such a warped view of marriage, and it infiltrates everywhere in our lives if we're not careful.  

YOU WROTE:
"My present husband is Protestant also. His previous marriage was abusive by his mentally ill wife and her adultery."

Generally, marriages in protestant churches (BETWEEN TWO BAPTIZED PERSONS) are presumed valid unless sufficient reason can be shown that the sacrament didn't take place.

Documented mental illness may be a sufficient reason, again adultery may not.

YOU WROTE:
"Here we are now. Both spiritually happy in the marriage. We have made some mistakes but love each other very much and want nothing but to join the Catholic Church."

Praise the Lord who has worked in your life this far.  From what you have said, you seem to have a strong case, but again I cannot make any promises and this may be given to you to help you both truly grow in your Catholic faith.  Regardless of the outcome, you must be ready to accept the ruling of the Church with humble obedience if in fact it is declared that one or more of your former marriages were binding sacramentally.  You need to be in the place that would allow you to praise God in light of such a decision, were it to be the case.  I may not (and seems doubtful), but until the annulment is actually granted, you must inculcate such a disposition in yourself and your husband.

YOU WROTE:
"So, you can see our concern.  Niether of us have ever married a Catholic, married in a church, and both married unbelievers. "

If in fact they were unbaptized unbelievers, there is no need of an annulment that I am aware of (or if you are, it is granted pretty much automatically, but please ask the priest, don't trust my words on that - I understand the criteria in general, but not the full rubrics).

YOU WROTE:
"ALso, we both have children from our previous relationships but are not able to have children of our own."

Children are not an impediment to marriage per se.  I hope you are both doing what you can to bring them up Catholic, which is one of the vows that the church expects Catholic couples to take up (assuming you have any sway over them; if they're adults of course your sway would be lessened)

YOU WROTE:
"Yikes! we have a mess don't we? Is there any recognition of our marriage and is it possible to get re-married in the Catholic Church?"

Just a point of note, your former marriages are invalid, you would not be "RE-married" but simply "married" (there is no "re-marriage" except in the case of a departed spouse).

...

Well, that was a lot, but it's a tricky situation.  In short, if everything you wrote is true, I think you stand a good chance of having all prior marriages annulled, but I do not have the ability to dig sufficiently enough to pronounce this to be the case, so again it is pure speculation.  Talk to your local parish priest about the matter to get the ball rolling on any necessary steps to have prior marriages annulled and this marriage convoked/blessed by the Church.

Good luck and God bless.  If you have any further questions, I'd be more than happy to help.

Pax Christi (Peace of Christ),

-J.M.J. West


(1) http://www.americancatholic.org/newsletters/cu/ac1002.asp