Expert: Fr. Michael - 1/26/2009

Question
Hello Father,

I am a non Christian in love with a Roman Catholic girl. We have been together for 7 years. In the early days of our relationship we accepted each other freely without force as husband and wife. We have lived together as husband and wife during these 7 years, off and on and not been with other men or women. We have also consummated our marriage several times as well as accepting each other as husband and wife.

Now she wants to leave me(because I have not  been able to find work  for the past 7 months despite trying very hard) and get married to someone else. She says that since no one knows about our marriage, she will never tell whoever comes in her life about it. She was engaged to be married earlier  which broke up, and if her would be husband questions her about her virginity she will say she lost it to her former fiance.

According to my faith, the marriage only lacked witnesses to be a valid marriage. I conveyed to 2 friends at a later point of time that I have married her and that requirement is complete. However, She says that because the marriage didn't take place in the church it is not valid according to the church and she is free to go.

I want an answer to a few questions..

1. When we had accepted each other as husband and wife we had taken as a Witness God Almighty, all his Prophets and the angels. Is there be any greater witness than God Almighty. Why is our marriage invalid according to the church, since God is omnipotent was he not a witness to our marriage or would he be a witness only we were in the church?

2. She has given me a deadline of Feb 1st, and I admit I have not been able to keep up to her deadlines in the past due to lack of trying but this time I have really really struggled hard to meet it. She says that if my job doesn't happen by Feb 1st its a sign from God that we should part ways. Isnt this a way of using God according to your own convenience.

After seven years, if my job doesnt happen in 6 days do I just let her go as a sign from God, even though I dont want to.

Warm Regards,
Makky

Answer
1) You can call on God to witness a sin too, but that proves nothing.  A member of the true Faith cannot "marry" a pagan in this way.  The issue is not one of location, but rather one of an act
rejects the First Commandment and true religion.

2) Marriages are not about jobs.  It should be obvious to you by now that by trying to make up your own rules at the beginning, you are now paying the penalty down the line.  The woman rejects the "marriage" as invalid.

It doesn't sound as if this woman were a real Catholic.  She (and you) should seek some level-headed advice from a traditional priest.  If she does not have one (which is probably part of the problem), see the geographical list at www.traditio.com/nat.htm.