Expert: Fr. Michael - 1/3/2009

Question
Is it okay to accept alms from a prodestant minister? My sister wants me to lead her down the aisle at her wedding, this means alot to her, but she's a prodestant, what should I do?

Answer
       If both parties are non-Catholic in a first marriage, one can look to the following principle from Canon 1258:  "It is not lawful for the faithful in any way to assist actively or to take part in the religious services of non-Catholics.  Passive or merely material presence can be tolerated of a civic official or on account of respect ... at funerals, marriages, and similar functions of non-Catholics, as long as there be absent the danger of perversity or scandal."

       To participate actively in these ceremonies is to be guilty of communicatio in sacris, which is a violation of the First Commandment.  But what does "passive or material presence" mean in practice?  Pastoral guidelines have been given, indicating that standing or sitting at these ceremonies is allowable and is not to be considered as "active" participation.  Obviously, "walking someone down the aisle" is active participation in the ceremony and and is prohibited.

       Naturally, one needs to explain to the involved parties the reason for one's non-attendance in as reasonable and sincere a way as possible.  Aren't we all supposed to be so "understanding" these days?  Well, the people involved will have to understand that your religion is important to you and that although you cannot attend the religious ceremony, you will continue to pray for the parties' conversion and will do your best to keep family peace, without implying approval of the action.  In some cases, for peace in the
family, one might attend the subsequent reception party, which is more of a social event than a religious one, but even that could cause scandal.